Everything that keeps me together is falling apart

Drunk.
Tired.
Sleepy.
Dirty.
Hungry.
Miss you.

Happy new year to all.

Jon/QQ, I'm happy to know that you care & would use violence whenever needed in order to protect me. You melt my heart when you said I'm your precious little one. Never saw that coming, especially from you big brother. You were pissed when you found out I was in this shit & you were not in the know.  When I heard from M, "Don't ever let me see * around, I will hurt * the same way" I was shocked. You won't listen when I tried to explain things to you. * isn't the way you think * is because I know * & * isn't that sort. Trust me..I know what I'm doing. I may seem naive to you but I know exactly where I'm driving to. * is worth it, that's why I am mad over *, as much as * has hurt me so bad deep down but I love * & I'm sure you know how this works, no? You know it better than I do, I'm sure. But thank you, I know you care. I know how you wanna protect me. I feel loved, after so long, I finally did. So thank you. You made me feel better when you said you're always here for me.

Ted, thanks for tonight. For the drinks, the partying, the dancing, the camwhoring, the drive home, keeping me entertained, keeping my mind occupied & being yourself. I like that part the most. Happily ever after to you & QQ.

M, thank you for everything. The walk, the talk, the shots, the drinks, the company, the trying-to-keep-me-kickin-again, the dance, the looking-out-for-me & everything else. Photos are up in Facebook, and tagged you too.

Joyce, you're a real sweetheart & I think I like you already. More fat ugly ang mohs, shots, lrinking & lancing ok?

x

Sober now. A bit.

I am affected by what QQ said. Can't believe that I actually am. I don't want Jon or anyone to say bad things about you because you're perfect in my eyes. It's your flaws that made you you. Your strengths that made you perfect as the way you are. I know he may know more than I do, warn me about things I am not aware about I knowwwww but when he said you're in the FNG category, I don't think I am not aware of that. I am aware & he is wrong. You're not, so not. I trust you, and I believe you. You're nothing of that sort. I tried explaining because I don't want him to get the wrong idea of you. I don't know..you're just so important to me even your reputation I am concerned. Fuck I am so fucked how am I ever gonna get out of this..

"Happy new year pull your ear"

Apologies if I drunk texted or called anyone! I didn't check my call log & sent texts..horror man. I hope I didn't text you anything 'cos you were pretty much what that filled my mind most of the time. Even while walking to get the car, I was like, * wherever you are, in your jeans on your bed, with your friends on the way home, I love you & happy new year kiss kiss I think I'm missing you way too much.

Pool party + BBQ tomorrow, which I am having second thoughts of attending already. My body clock is all wrecked. I'm going try to sleep now. If I still can't get sleep, I will wait for mom to get up & go Mac's breakfast with her. Good morning y'all :)