For everything its worth, every breathe I take still hurts

This week, even before it ends, has been a awfully tiring one so far. One more week before I can finally take a break & say goodbye to fatigue & Econs, while I say hello to work & happier days (I really hope so)!

Yes, I said work, I didn't lie to you. I finally got a job!!! No more lazing around, doing nothing, waiting for money to drop from the sky, keep saying how I'm broke but not doing anything to save or earn. I'm so glad because the boss at the shop I'll be working at is really nice, and she's only 19!! Same as me.......how depressed. She's so successful with a shop of her own yet I'm still in the midst of completing my diploma. *sobsobz*

Been studying all day. Lunch at Ajisen with baby was pretty okay. Too much noodles, I couldn't finish. Or rather, I don't have my usual appetite today. I eat a lot lesser or a lot more when I get too stressed. :/ sighhhhh studying = headache. Econs = headache x 3498327!!!!

Baby told me today that we're going on Singapore Flyer on our next anniversary. I wonder if it's because she screwed up the previous one, thus she make it up this anniversary. But still, I really appreciate it. Why? Despite her fear of heights, she still wanna take me on Singapore Flyer. Thanks baby :> Now I can't wait to go up there with her :D

Friday tomorrow, and I'm not excited. Sissy got a week MC, which means she's gonna be home. How now brown cow? I really need a nice quiet place to study and start memorizing Econs. Baby said if we got the money, she'll book a hotel room just for us to study in peace. Ahhhh I wish :( but money is so precious and cute, I don't wanna waste it like that..I shall just stick to the uncomfy, hard chair and occasionally-cold aircon in the library with noisy guys watching videos, girls with fat fingers typing away.

I just need to bear with it for the next few days. Until 24th July, it shall be the last day I will ever touch on Econs or even talk Econs. Never ever. No fucking more. I will never do anything has gotta do with Econs. It kills too much of my brain cells! Oh, on a lighter note, Chrissy, Shermaine, bff & I will be going for steamboat after our paper on Friday!! <3 Can't wait to hang out with them & talk cock. After the exams, I MUST GO TO JEMI'S PLACE! Been saying this but not doing it at all. DIE DIE ALSO MUST GO OVER!

Ok back to Econs :( sighhhhhh

p/s: i hope things get better between us, baby. i love you :>

#475

#475 things I want in a lover:

Someone who will hold my hand and then smile when I look at them in wonder.

Because I'm one of the lucky ones..

..to be in love and in love with the right person; you.

To most of you, this may be nothing but to me, it is something.

The latter may be an old photo of us but looking at it now does bring back some memories. Yoshinoya, studying for Os, both dressed in red, happy and giggly. It is one of my all-time favourite photo of us, how can I not remember that?

Laugh, you may but it melted my heart when I saw these photos made out of Photofunia. Nothing interesting but the thought of her doing it for us, with our photos - love. She, who don't own a romantic bone at all, is my beloved girlfriend of 1 year, 11 months, 23 days which is exactly 724 days. These seven hundred odd days, I've done countless things that I simply don't understand why I did but I just did. Maybe you don't get what I'm driving at but to the most of you, 'all in the name of love', don't we all agree?

And for the rest of you, I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.


P/s: to one of my favourite girls, ban mian: i love you and thanks for the text last evening. it shocked me, indeed but after reading it, I feel like giving you a fat, juicy, 'exclusive; only for you' kiss. miss you a lot, if you're wondering! see you soon sweetheart :)
P/p/s: thank you bb, i love you so much (♥)

I have been afraid of change because I built my life around you

I'm scared that I might have to let go for good this time.

I really do not want to, do not wish to either.
And I love you so so so fucking much.
We were given second chance.
How many people in the world are given a second shot at love?


I love you <3

Big girls still cry, so please be patient with me

'Time flies', as the saying goes. I was so glad to be reminded of him whenever I saw what he gave me when I was a little girl. Two years, today, there we were praying, at his second death anniversary. I still find it a wee bit hard that he is not around anymore. But I know, wherever he may be right now, he would want the best for me. I love you, kai-pa.


Woke up early and headed down to the temple to meet the rest of the family. Did the necessary praying and all that. Left at around 10.30am for breakfast at Braddell. Then we headed home. I studied a little of JNB before I start preparing to meet bb. I can't just go out without studying, I feel so bad :/

We went to Plaza by the Park. Had dim sum for start, since we were gonna meet the couple for dinner. The Kopitiam just renovated and it looks a lot better right now. The chairs are so cute, it's translucent! I always wanted the red one. There was this cafe at Millinia Walk, I don't know if it is still there, they've got all those colourful translucent chairs. Very pretty!

 

Siew mai, char siew bao

  

Chee cheong fun

 

Carrot cake

I really wanna have proper dim sum now at a restaurant. I want Crystal Jade. I want Hai Tian Lou :( sucks that dad is no longer a member at Pan Pacific arrrrgh ever since then, we stopped dining at Hai Tian Lou or going Pan Pac for drinks pfft

Raffles City, shopped around & bought nothing
Sat on the benches at City Link while waiting for bff to reply
Waited, and waited and waited and waited AND WAITED
We walked over to the train station and continued to wait.
Wait, waiting, waiting, been waiting.
Basically we didn't go anywhere but we spent the entire day waiting for bff to reply. Tsktsk *shakes head. AND FINALLY bee & I went to walk around at the basement of Raffles City to check out what we should have for dinner if they are not joining us. Shokudo seems nice but long queue! We chose Aerin's instead.

While waiting for them to come, we went to The CD Shop at came out $50 poorer. There was a promo going on, any three cds (selective ones) going for $49.90! When we walked in, they were playing Joanna Wang's songs which I've been wanting for a long long time since I worked at Cathay. Gramophone always play her songs! Very nice :)

 

Bevlyn Khoo's You Are My Angel

 

Joanna Wang's Start From Here

 

Olivia Ong's Fall In Love With

I've gotten most of the songs by Olivia Ong and bb just sent me the other two albums. I've to say Bevlyn Khoo is another great singer. Her voice is damn nice! I love the song You're My Angel from the album. It was originally sang by another Hong Kong singer. It was one of the theme songs for the drama series, which I cannot remember the name hahha. She wanted to get M.Y.M.P's new album, Absolute Acoustic but the only outlet that has got it is Paragon. So I told bb that I'll try to get it for her online instead since we won't be going town next weekend.

After that, we went to Aerin's, sat around and waited for them to come.

 

  

  

  

 

It's a very nice place to have dinner at, to be very honest. I love the ambiance there :) bb said we'll come here often if I like, teehee! They came and we started ordering our food and making hell lot of noise disturbing each other. Bff & Marilyn were sho schweeeeeet, they bought bb & I a bag of gummy sweets from Mark & Spencers :)))) Sank yew la sank yew!!!!

 

Marilyn's: M's affair - nice name but weird colour for a drink??

 

Bb's & bff's: Fish & Chips - a Must Try!! on the menu, IMO I think it's not too bad!

 

Mine: Spaghetti Prawn - very fresh prawns but overall, I don't like it

 

 

Marilyn's: Fish for Snapper (or whatever it is called) - very small portion!

Heard someone talking loudly and when I turned around, it was Gab and Deb, the adorably sweeeet couple! I love the two of them together :) I texted her and she turned around to say hi! Nice seeing you Deb, sorry that I didn't get a chance to say bye to you. You were really sweet by the way hehe!

 

  

  

  

  

 

Bill came, camwhored and left for the night market! Bought biscuits again, my favourite snack! I used to eat so much when I stayed in Gran's place. After moving out of Ang Mo Kio, mom don't buy me the biscuits cos only Gran knows I love it, especially when dipped into hot coffee! Teehee we walked the night market for the last time as they are closing already. Walked them to the bus stop and bb walked me home. I'm still smiling over her 'best friend below girlfriend, family same as best friend' & her 'xie xie girlfriend, okay, xie xie girlfriend'. :D


Today was spent at home, with the textbooks and notes. I almost lost control of my feelings today. I could've just taken the plunge and I won't be here right now. I need to start learning how to keep myself calm, don't take certain unnecessary things too seriously.

I was just saying that I wanna have dim sum earlier on in this entry and guess what mom just told me!!! She's bringing me for dim sum tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D And dad's driving which means yay I can wear heels :D Finally something worth being happy over.

OHZ by the way, M.Y.M.P's Absolute Acoustic is faaaaaaaaaaaaabulous. Every song is so soothing, it's like a lullaby. Very nice to fall asleep to. :)

OKI SAY GOODNIGHT AND GO FOR NAO. S factor is coming up on Channel 5 in awhile!

All I need to know is that I'm something you'll be missing

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise & the lips to pucker.

I miss you gal gal :( I know you'll be like giving me that what the hell? look in reply to that. I kinda want you here with me right now. It feels horrible here, all over again. I'm just stressing myself up over nothing, nothing at all. It's what is coming and what I'm about to face that I am afraid of. I don't know, I just feel like this battle is too much for me. I can't keep fighting, going on like how I've been for the past years. I'm so so exasperated. Like I said today, if I cannot take it anymore, I will go off from here. This is where I'll leave this as it is. I cannot take it anymore.......

Hate what we spoke of today. Hate what we discussed over lunch. Hate the things I've to worry about.

(Anonymous: Keep your comments to yourself. You can go bitch about me in your MSN conversation with your bff, I don't really care. Unless necessary, or you think it is worth it, you might wanna risk leaving your crap here as a comment. I might accept it, I might delete it. Up to you :))

Y'know honestly, I just wanna know that throughout tough times like these, you won't desert me. I only wanna know that you'll help me through this no matter how hard is it gonna be for you or for me. I don't know why it aches so much here typing this, why my eyes are all watery...

Well, okay back to updates! Today:
x I woke up early
x postman ('twas a female, actually..) came by my doorstep and gave me the package, package filled with my pretty blazer!!!!
x helped Gran with her ezlink card and accompanied her to wait for her bus
x had lunch at Ajisen with bblove
x Apple red earpiece or Philips Bubbles SHE3650? - I cannot decide!
x bff came, bought food and bb walked us back to my place before leaving for home
x 'm glad bblove likes the blazer! her expression was like :S when she was trying it on
x settled down, studied and did 3 topics in less than 4 hours!
x watched Ellen, and we studied until dad came home from his jog
x bff left, we had dinner!
x tv, facebook - restaurant city, MSN conversations

Grandma, get well soon, I love you (L)


Sometimes I wish life isn't this tough. Sometimes I wish I don't have to fight to get what I want. Sometimes I wish I was a spoilt princess who gets whatever she wants without having to work for it. Sometimes I wish love is for ever. Sometimes I wish our distances could be less than 10 kilometres away from each other. Sometimes I wish I could run, run to a faraway place to stay happy. Sometimes I wish happiness isn't short-lived. Sometimes I wish you could be me for a day so you'll know why I've been/I'm worrying myself sick.

Didn't mean to have another emo post on again tonight but my life sucks right now (or rather, it is just me) as you can tell. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that tomorrow will be much better, I will feel better and mugging with the girls would make me gay and chippy :)

Love all, goodnight.


P/s: I just realised my last movie was really long ago. Ftw Mall Cop!?
P/p/s: Two more days to 29th!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P/p/p/s: I feel green when I see happy couple, fml

All those lovers are liars, I'd never lie to you

I never had a chance to say and I know you'd come on here to read so here it goes:

I'm sorry.

Although they are the words you don't wish to hear from me right now but I still have to say it. I'm sorry that I lied. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the truth and having to hide. I won't let this happen again.

I'm sorry, I love you.
Forgive me, will you?



Besides that, you failed me again. No texts until you got home from lunch with them at Graze. Disappointed? I guess I am. Exasperated? Maybe I am not. Maybe I'm just giving up already. Maybe I should start living this life like I'm alone, with no one else to tell my whereabouts and text when I'm with my friends, then you'll know why I'm acting like this.

Why do I bother so much, really, tell me why, I wanna know.

I'll blog later, till then!

I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

Because I wanted to check something and also to check when was the last time I did my hair before the trip with bff last week or the week before, I read hhheartbreakhotel and theklassiquecrime a little.

hhheartbreakhotel was so much happier but theklassiquecrime was so sad. Everything was sad, talking about smashed hearts and broken dreams, people who came, left without turning back to look at all and threw their rear-view mirrors away. I could sense the sadness seeing the layout again.


But bottom line is, am I really happy now? Is this what I really wanted?



but anyway p/s: thanks bb for today, luv you so much <3
p/p/s: happy birthday ^.^ whether you know this is for you or not, whatever I don't care. I hope you are as happy as you are pretending to be.

That's a shame that love can't make you stay

I'm so damn pissed off. I bought a striped vest for bb through a pre-order which means I've to make payment and wait for about 2-3 weeks before the item gets to me. I made payment, told the girl the transaction reference for her to check if the payment is in and all. After waiting in vain for about two weeks, I emailed her to ask about the status of the vest. GUESS WHAT? SHE DIDN'T TAKE IN MY ORDER, DIDN'T BOTHER TO EMAIL TO ASK AT ALL. Some kind of responsible seller she is huh. Okay, I would say partly it was my bad for not reading her email thoroughly before I make conclusion that I need not reply her email at all. In her email she said she needed my details which I have already given her but she needed my address which I completely missed out. But when I didn't reply her, she should have the responsibility to email me and ask, no? This is fucking fucked up. And now she said order is closed, items arrived, all mailed out and she have to refund me.

I'm not upset because she's irresponsible (duh?) but upset because i waited for something i really like in vain for weeks!

I swear, I already have bad impressions of her because 1) she is very unfriendly, 2) she is rude, 3) this incident - no responsibility. I'm not revealing what's the name of the shop or the url but if you ask me, I might tell you.


x TVRP exam guidelines
x Shimmy came for class!!!!!! (L)
x waiting for bus = HOT SUN HUMID HEAT DIE
x went Vivo City for lunch + a lil' shopping after class
x Long John Silver for lunch
x unproductive shopping but Jems bought a  F21 neon pink 'I ♥ my boyfriend' tunic
x took train home, met bff, bought food up to my place
x watched telly, played Pet Society, watched Ellen :D
x bff left before dinner, I went to rest/talk to bb

NO VISUALS, BOOHOO :(

I've been looking for a new phone. This Nokia 6500S has been with me for a year now but it is such a pain in the ass! Memory card cannot function, hangs once in every while, battery life: 2 days if I don't text/call often, dropped it a lot of times, music player sucks. I want a new phone with WIFI hehe can go on MSN anytime anywhere :D

I got my eye on a few...

 

Samsung F480

  

Nokia E75

  

Nokia E63

I don't know if I should get a QWERTY keypad one or a touchscreen one. There's both good and bad reviews for both. I don't mind either one, as long as they have the functions I want in a phone! But because I want something different, not something that one of my family members already have. Che is using Samsung F480 now. Mom's gonna get Nokia 5800 XpressMusic. So I think I will take Nokia E75! Hehe plus it is available in red, black and copper yellow! RED! RED!! RED!!!

I'm feeling the ache... :( everywhere. Mom said it is caused by insufficient rest/sleep. I'm going to sleep early tonight, my eyes are still very painful but not as bad as yesterday. THANK GOD MR LIM CANCELLED TOMORROW'S CLASS! Time for me to sleep in until it's time for me to get up :) meeting bb tomorrow going over to her place for lunch and dinner after that ^^ yay finally some time with bb. Even though I see her everyday but we don't talk much, neither do we get to spend much time together. It's been two weeks since I last spent some alone time with her. Time really flies man..

OH one more thing before I go, I JOINED PLURK.COM! I was asked to join by Zoe but I didn't get down to do it. Today I finally did! It's so cute, there's some kinda karma points system and cute emoticon! So if you have plurk / twitter, follow me (that's what they are called) on Plurk or Twitter!

 

The wonders of Adobe Photoshop
(Credit: Complex.com)

does it mean anything to you?

is being happy feels like nothing else would matter to me at all as long as I have you?
is being happy means knowing that someone like you truly cares about me?
is being happy feels a lot lighter?

why happier, better days are so short while bad times lasts so long, so damn long?

p/s: on sunday night, i saw a Mitsubishi & i thought it was you.


ok bai skl naoz effing late thanx to ze rain

In this world of loneliness, I see your face

I have a lot of photos so I will cut down on talking / words okay. There's tutorial at 8.30am......it's not like I will be there on time but at least I try to be there on time, not later than break time.

On Saturday....
The supp paper? Don't talk about it. Ruined my morn, wasted my time. I will rant and complain to Anna Oh in the email, hmph! Went Lot 1 with Shim and we saw......

 

 

We were like two losers trying to see what they are doing and this is what I captured hahaha there were a lot of people! Can die in there, seriously it's so packed! Michelle Chia is really old, can tell from her face. Heard from mama that Pornsak carries his boss really well that's why he's in almost every entertainment show.... Hm?

Bb and Jac came, Shim left. Bought plasters and socks! Everlast was killing me. My feet is filled with blisters now :( super painful! Had quick lunch at Long John Silver and took a bus down to Far East Plaza!

Guess what we had again?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
yes, SLICE!

They should really pay me for advertising for them, plzzzzz

 

  

 

Went to walk around, Jac bought a black vest and I was contempleting whether to get the high waist shorts or not. :( I've been thinking about it until now...... BUT I ended up buying the pair of shoes I wanted since last week haha I went to the same shop, look at the same pair again - which means I really like it so I bought it without hesitation!

 

I bought grey, amazingly. I don't know why but I just prefer the grey to the black one. The black one looks like ___ ________ wearing it to school!! :( Ok next was CK Tang, Lucky Plaza, Paragon, Cathay for dinner at Aston's!

 

  

  

A jug of root beer

  

Bb: Soup of the Day - Mushroom soup!

  

Jac: Spicy Chicken Spaghetti with Soup of the Day

 

Bb: Black Pepper Chicken with Mashed Potato + Fries

 

Me: Prime Ribeye with Mashed Potato + Onion Rings

We had so much to eat. I could barely finish mine but it is really good, honestly. Good + cheap! The queue is worth it, totally. Guess how much our bill came up to?

Fucking $36.20 for the three of us with so much food!

After dinner, we walked around, went to the flea downstairs but there were closing.. Oh well! Saw nothing nice anyway. Walked from Cathay down to Heeren for ice-cream at Mac's :) Chocolate Swirl again hehehe! While walking, we stopped by at John Little and saw very nice lingerie! Pierre Cardin and Young Hearts' :) They were like having sale or something. Just $12 for one set. It's very pretty but I was really trying to control myself from overspending cos I want the high waist more than the lingerie heheh I'm gonna tell mama and maybe she'll buy it for me! I've been hinting her about the La Senza ones muahahaha and she seems to be giving the nod already!

 

  

  

 

Heeren, Cineleisure. Bumped into Chanel, Sass and Shyan! I totally forgot there was the class gathering there hahaha never thought I'd bump into them there. NICE HAWT PHOTOS AH SASS HAHAHAH I JUST KNEW YOU'D HAVE SOME PORNO IN THAT ROLL OF FILM! Nice bumping into them anyway, it was a total surprise :)

We all got really restless so Jac took a bus home first while Bb sent me home. She wanted to see the night market and have Thai shark's fin! But I was REALLY exhausted from all the walking and laughing + the pain from my blister on my feet. So we sat down at the void deck to talk, like the good ol' days.....

Yknow, I still love it when you hold my hand out of nowhere occasionally. I know that doesn't come from you often, so I really appreciate it when you do. Luv u bb <3 ;>


On Sunday.....
SAW THE BOOTIES OF MY DREAMS AT A LOCAL SHOE BOUTIQUE AND I REALLY LOVE IT! Spent the whole evening hinting mom about it and she just told me to clear my shoe wardrobe and she'll consider if she should buy it for me! OH YES OH YES OH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Zel couldn't stand me either. I was telling her how much I wanted that pair of booties, since when and how I can wear it with that high waist shorts though not the high waist shorts of my dreams.... She wanted to strangle me so much I could tell on her face! Hahahaha we went to Hougang Mall for ban mian for late lunch. Got home only at 4pm and went straight to the books. Did revision, skipped dinner, went to the night market and blabbered about the booties to mom & dad heard it, he started his naggings about how I should STOP buying shoes. I will never have enough shoes bags clothes accessories and everything nice!

OK I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE My eyes are damn painful I shall blog about today tomorrow ok goodnight world!


p/s: your sudden 'love you!' before hanging up this afternoon got me smiling like a fool even until now.