Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time

"And there's no worse feeling than when you wake up and feel okay for a minute and then that sick feeling washes over you and you remember it's not okay."

This is what I've been feeling lately. And it sucks. You don't ever wish to be me.

And I want you to know you're as important as they are but it seems like to you, it is not enough. So I'm gonna prove it to you that you are important to me. Because you really are. You play the biggest part in my life and you don't know that. It's tough being me you know. How much I wish you can click with them and we can hang out like friends do but you can't do that for me. But I don't wanna force you. If you're happy, be that way. When you're happy, I will be too.

Work is great. Angie & Hanice is what that keep me going. I don't wanna give up this job but I know my parents want me to. I've never found so much satisfaction in my job before, this is the first time & I never thought of leaving until Angela talked about a waste of talent blah blah. Jon also told me if I were to stay there for good, it's a waste. Like, why the fuck did I take diploma in mass comm for? I know, I know.. I'm too attached to this job and the people there.

Yknow I've wanted a group of friends that I could hang out with. Mutual friends with my girlfriend & close friends. And this job gave me a group of friends that I've never thought I'd be able to be so crazy with, have so much fun with. When I'm at work, they drop by to say hi laugh laugh laugh and bye off they go. When I'm not working, we arrange to have dinner together. Sit at Mos Burger like we own the whole place, refuse to leave until they close. With them, I saw my true self. I can be effing crazy, laugh loudly like no tomorrow, cry because my heart can take no more, say the most disgusting shit ever, wear the ugliest clothes that show my flaws & feel comfy with them looking at me, do the ugliest techno shit dance in a crowded club, eat like I've never had bak kut teh all my life and they still love me the same, just as I love them. Isn't that amazing?

Thank God for putting them in my life :) x

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hugs,stay strong dearling.

October 14, 2009 at 3:06 AM  

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