Sunday, January 4, 2009

I love you, don't you ever think of me?

Dear H,

I really hate you. As in, really really hate you in that I-can-give-up-my-life-to-kill-you hate. Your appearance caused me to cry nights after nights thinking that she's cheating on me. Ever since your return, we were never happy. Or at least I weren't. Your return made things worse for me and also for the two of us. I'm sure she doesn't blame you, so I shouldn't too..but I still hate you nonetheless, for breaking things up between us and being the apple of her eye now.

I know how you feel about her. I can totally understand your position. It's just like how I used to feel about her too, when I first fell for her. The kind of longing yet not so longing for her feeling, the I-think-I-really-like-her feeling, the I-wish-she-was-mine feeling - I had it all before you did. I know how sometimes it can feel really terrible despite the times she made you happy like a kid who gets a piece of cake. Being in love with her is one thing I would trade my life for.

There are just a couple of things that I thought I should let you know. About her, that is. I learned all of these when I was the object of her affection, the apple of her eye. First of all, don't be frightened if she showers more love on you than you had expected. Don't be surprised if she treats you much better than anyone you've met. And let it not scare you that she listens to you a lot more than she actually listens to herself. And you should know that every single casual passing remark that you say, she remembers. As insignificant as it may be, to her, everything that you say is magical. She gets hurt easily, especially by painful words a careless girl would say. If you do hurt her, you will have to pay the price of looking at her broken yet beautiful dark brown eyes with tears held back behind them and allow time to slowly let the pain subside. But if this happens, all is not lost - a kiss and an "I love you" can heal anything and almost everything. And please don't say that you love her when you don't mean it, nothing hurts more to her than someone who doesn't care. She will never ever try to hurt you because she is just isn't that way. So please do not try to hurt her because if you do, I don't think I will be able to forgive you. I doubt there could be a worse feeling in the world than knowing you have the one I love most in this world and knowing that you hurt her. You should know that if you both get into a fight, just make sure you pick the ones worth fighting for. She gets bullied easily, especially by the one she love. Sometimes you'd just take your temper out on her because of a bad day but she'd keep her temper & pretend like yeh it was her fault that she didn't try to make your day better and let you have things your way. She will never curse at you or even call you awful names despite the unhappiness and anger she might be feeling. Though she may act mature, most of the time once she has given you her heart, she will slowly start to open up to you and her silliness will make your heart smile in a incomprehensible way. She will always make time for you out of her very busy schedule and even when you're not around, you'll be in her thoughts. You'll find that she isn't like any other, so please don't take her for granted. She is less tough than she appear to be, you just have to take the time and let her bring down her guard.. She is so devoted and so fucking amazing and know that if you ever leave her, you will break her heart apart, the same way it is breaking me apart as I'm sitting here writing this to you. Never try to pull her away from her dreams. She is going to be very successful and will never allow you to let go of your dreams either. Instead, she will encourage you to be everything you dream of to be, everything you can be and will never, ever let you down.

She spends very willingly on you but never on herself. When she buys something for you, she feels happier to see that priceless happy face on you than to buy something of her liking. To her, spending money on herself is not as worthy as spending it on you. She treats you more than a royal princess, less than a demanding queen. She love it when you surprise her with gifts. She love it when you say "I love you" but don't say it too often before it loses its meaning. She love it when you both just spend a simple weekend afternoon together in her bedroom, snuggling in each other's arms with music in the background and not forgetting occasional kisses. Watch how your hand will fit perfectly into hers and when it does, it seems as if nothing else in the world could hurt you, because she is there. And when she puts her arms around you and tells you that nothing else in the world meant as much as you to her & you're the one and only girl who lives in her heart, then you'll know, there isn't anyone else out there as perfect as she is for you. Do not ever let her go. You'll regret doing so, for the rest of your lifetime. I promise, you will.

G (no xoxo for you)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post made me cry. It's so sad. I wish you well. One day when you find The One, all this will seem trivial.

January 4, 2009 at 12:29 PM  
Anonymous G said...

I've been a constant reader of your blog and this entry is just heart wrenching.

I know how you feel, I know how it feels to want someone so badly only to know that you're not the one she wants. I know how it hurts to look into her eyes only to know that, its not you that make them light up the way they used to for you.

Stay strong, hugs.

January 4, 2009 at 4:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish J knows how much & it's this much that you love her. I really wish she does. Until the day she does, you'll be in my prayers.

lots of love go out to you.

January 4, 2009 at 6:43 PM  
Anonymous April said...

I want to fly over to you now and give you a hug. I know how you feel and really, cry all you want. You really should. And I'd come over if you need me. Always here and you'll always be in my prayers.

Truckloads of love and concern, bffae.

January 4, 2009 at 11:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omfg whoever H is, she's one hell of a slut. (sorry H) cheer up beb

January 4, 2009 at 11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post made me tear so badly! Especially the part where you talk about things you want to let this H girl know. This post evoked my senses, really. Cheer up babe :>

Guess who.

January 5, 2009 at 3:36 AM  

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