When you looked around, were you looking back at a lonely love?

It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you cant trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again.

Each time I think of you today, "Can't you just let go a little already ?" kept ringing in my head. It really hurts a lot, if you don't know. I wanna know, if you had a chance to say anything to me at all, what would it be? If I had the chance to ask you, I would. And if you throw me back with the same question, I have a lot to say but too afraid to let them roll off my tongue like that. The least expected reply from you would be it. It'd hurt too much, I cannot deal with it..

Guess what, I'm making an effort to do what I like & what I wanna do. I'm gonna wake up early tomorrow to go get fabric to make skirts and bags for myself with mom. I hope you're proud of me.


Lips pressed hard against mine, arms on my waist, the other hand holding up my face, my hands in your hair just the way I like to be held close to you. This is not lust. Neither is it passion. But love.

Why is it so clear in my head?