Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It's not enough to say that I miss you

While my head hurt so bad last night, I spent almost an half an hour ranting to bff over MSN. About people, about what made me so pissed off and annoyed, about what I have been worrying about, about what I do not want to see/hear/know about.

I am exhausted. You make me exhausted. I have been exhausted for so long. But I am still fighting for you. Remind me of a time when you called and I was never there. Remind me of a time when I rejected you or said no to your requests. Remind me of a time when I didn't care about you. Remind me of a time when I needed you and you were there. The asthma attacks 3 nights in a row, do you know? The fights & the arguments with my mom, do you know? The sacrifices I have made and still continue making, do you know? What do I have to do to change your mind, to make you trust me, to make you believe in me? Or us.. Don't take me for granted. I am not going to be here all the time for as much as I wished I will be. One day I will collapse. And when you turn around, I won't be here anymore. You will not see me. One day when you realise that I do exist, I am not longer there. I'm not saying that I will give up but one day I will fall back into arms of no one at all, that's when you realise maybe this is it.

Don't wait anymore, make a plan to love me sometime soon.

Anyway thanks bff for listening to me kp, i luva yew (L)

Studying is so omg terrible. I can die right now. Believe it or not, I didn't step out of the house at all today. Not at all. I spent the whole of today just studying, talking to mom and watching Gossip Girl (Oh yeh fuck u Dan _|_ now you remind me of that fucker), 90210 and Grey's. In approximately five hours' time, I have to be up. And I am still here. How can I sleep when I am not done with memorising!!! :( I wanna pass TDMC. Even if it's a C, I am happy enough.

I luv mom. I luv her, really.
I finally told her about the stayover on Vday and she was cool about it. We were both very calm. I wasn't nervous or what (ok I was, a little! Just a little.. I cannot handle rejections well :/). She didn't agree that she'll allow me to go or whatever but she just kept very cool. I told myself to keep my fingers crossed. Before she went to bed, I was dying in suspension to know so I asked her how is it with dad and all, 'cos I know she'd tell him about it hahaha! And she was like, "oh, shouldn't be a problem. just notify your dad about it again, he will forget about it." AH YAY OMG I was so shocked 'cos usually dad like to ask a lot when I don't go home hahaha yay!

SA: Yes I know but I am lazy to go down!! :( The doctor's is all the way at Yishun, so far from where I live...ok not far, there's a straight bus, only half an hour to get there BUT I AM LAZY OK PERIOD. I will go to the doctor's, no worries. Just a matter of time :) Awhhh yeh I am not gonna be like her. As in, I am happy with who I am right now. I am contented, and..happy? Erm, yeh I am happy. Thanks, last two papers before I am free to enjoy my Vday! I hope you enjoy yours too, hehe!
Varron: YOU GO DIE. Hahaha what silent reader sehhhhh haha thank you thank you!! :D
Wenna: Hello! Haha okay I will go accept :D

"First of all I'm insecure & number two, I can't be there for you, not at this time in my life."
This is you, to me. Right now.

One day it'll be from me, to you.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg please do not be lazy to make a trip to the doctor's. this concerns your life! i am really worried for you i know you do cherish your life so remember to make a trip soon!

great to hear its your last 2 papers! who will you be celebratin' your valentines' day with? i am waitin' to see happy pics again =) smile always.

hopin' you do not get bored and irritated by my frequent tags! as long as i do not affect your life and create any rumours i will always be here protectin' you and puttin' a smile on your face =)

with love,

February 10, 2009 at 2:58 AM  

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