Monday, January 26, 2009

May the ones you love, be the ones you keep

I'll make this a quick one, do up my hair, watch a little of Grey's & go to bed. No visuals but a summary of how the first day of CNY went for me. I'll upload the pictures (we took quite a lot today, actually) when I'm home from visiting tomorrow. Hopefully today won't be as boring/tiring as today is.

This morning we went over to Gran's. Had my virgin try at vegetarian steamboat. If I can avoid having that for brunch, I really would. I am not a big fan of vegetarian food, honestly. We stayed there until about 1ish and headed over to Godma Irene's place. Had wanton made by Godpa and we watched Catch Me If You Can on the telly. I love that movie &I will watch it again. The rest were having their own gathering in the dining area and they were talking so loudly I couldn't hear clearly! After that we went off to Aunt Alice's place. Had dinner. Yumz pig's stomach soup!! Talked, catch up over coffee, played games, watched Little Nyonya Reunion, had new year goodies & just came back home awhile ago.

I luv my heels. Though they are like..3.5 inches high & almost killed me. But it's okay I still luv heels. I'm gonna wear the wetlook leggings, slouchy top, pair it with my heels & prolly the Prada bag tomorrow! Sexcited. Tomorrow we're gonna visit Grandaunt, going over to Aunt Doris's place then the rest are coming over to our place to visit and dinner. Thank God they are all going back to work/school on Wednesday. Four days, almost 16 hours together everyday with them is hell.


As much as it feels unpredictable, when you start to dawn at it, it isn't really. It's quite obvious. Things can never stay good here, there's always that little niche that has to come into play & in someway distort something either drastically or just a tad. Depending on your situation, time & place you can always kind of predict the worst that could happen & according to whatever it is your doing, it being something good the more likely nothing bad is to happen or vice versa.

I got played with quick session of emotions that as of not to long ago, I thought I had overcome & that they were 98% erased from me. I felt forgiven & confident and just generally a better being. That's when I should of realized something terrible is prone to happen sooner or later. Things can't stay good for long here, we all know it. We've even said it out loud a couple times.

I never thought that something so small could spurt into something so big & so fast too. It really does prove that time does fly.

Mainly though, I don't want to have an empty pit in my stomach for ever now. I wonder when I'm thirty, how will I look back (I think about the future a lot & it always overwhelms me). I just want to simply apologize to an angel. You can pluck away a strand of hair but it will grow back. You'll always stay within me. I'm sorry.


Staring at this empty space, trying to think back about what I wanted to type in here. I had so much to put in here today. I had so much emotions rushing through me that I wanna blog about. But now staring at this space, I couldn't think of anything but your photo that I took of you which I kept as your small contact image on my phone with your name appearing in my screen. The image only appears small when there's a text, big when it's an incoming call.

When he asked how I was with the whole thing about you today, I stood next to him & said, "No, no turning back. Trust me on that." He replied, "Time will tell okay, and you'll go back if there is turning back." I couldn't answer him because my mind says no way but my heart is nodding away, dying to say yes. No because it is good for me and yes because I really, really want to turn back.

In his car, I was wondering where are you, are you enjoying the visiting & collection of red packets, remembering that you don't like the company of your relatives & annoying cousins. Wondering if you had fun, were you thinking of the same thing as I was..

The question is, have I really moved on or have I been mindfucking myself that I've moved on?

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