Every girl needs a man...

The kind that will treat you right. The kind that searches for you with all his heart. The kind that respects you and adores you.

Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her. One who can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Because he’s smart enough to know that he already has a girl who has everything that he wants, needs and more.

The right guy will never leave you lonely and wondering. You will always know where you stand with him. He will be your best friend and lover. He’ll call you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night and maybe even tell you a bedtime story to make you laugh or talk to you until you fall asleep.

This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s just to go to the store to buy you your favorite ice cream. He’ll buy you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday and will notice your hair when you’ve gotten it cut or have gotten all gussied up specifically for him.

You deserve a guy who will cherish you. He’d never be afraid to smile to his friends when you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one”. He’d appreciate you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little… like the little love notes you leave him.

He’ll be chivalrous. He’ll wait for you when you’re falling behind, open doors for you and will walk you to the door to make sure you get in safely. He would defend and fight for you and never bail on you when you needed him most.

The right guy will call you beautiful instead of hot, he’ll kiss your forehead when you’re down and he’ll be the one who will love you for everything you are.

Never settle for anything less.

Read this last night before I went to bed. Really like this writing :)
And it's totally true, no?

You can't truly have an open heart until it's been broken

I don't know if you felt that or not.

But it felt like two people kissing after hours of thinking about it.

It felt like two people talking after nights of silence.

It felt like two people touching after weeks of being numb.

It felt like two people facing each other after months of looking away.

It felt like two people in love after years of being alone.

And it felt like two people meeting each other, after an entire lifetime of not meeting each other.

My arms won't free you; my heart won't try

Love is the scars on your knees, the leftover food in the refrigerator, the song the birds sing, the pain you inflict, the sweet nothingness that flutters from your lover's mouth, a half-complete cigarette, diet coke which fizzles on your tongue, the rainbow sprinkles on your cupcake, the battered package you received in the mail the other day, the sound of wind escaping through a small gap in the window, the dampness of your hair, the chipped red varnish on your fingernails, your grandmother's musical box, the ballet shoes you've had since you were five, the music playing on your car stereo, the flaky paint on your walls, the bubblegum stuck under desks, the tooth-fairy, your hands and the things you can make with them, the kisses you blow, the clothes you wear, 5 AM morning breath, your sensitive teeth, the tingly feeling you get when you get touched at certain parts of your body, the tangles in your lover's hair, sleepless nights, overdosing on painkillers, undeserved success and recognition, telling lies and not getting caught, blacking out from consuming too much alcohol, being desired by multiple parties, solving a mathematical problem, watching the people around you, watching the people messing up around you, screaming out your window in the middle of the night, flaming your lover's ex, smudged mascara, disheveled hair and smeared lipstick, the coffee and bagel you digest on a daily basis, little children, silence, recyclable materials, trees, photosynthesis, growth, development.

No, love is you, I, and a careless mixture of everything else we worry about.

x at least three folders of overdue photos to blog about
x GP presentation on monday, which is also our 25th anniversary
x meeting bb on sunday to get her new phone, and a dinner together to celebrate our anni
x bought new adapter for lappie which cost me $85 :@
x out with the girls on thurs was fab though all of us were restless but still happy
x had dinner with bff & bb at ajisen today
x school drained the shit out of me, now i'm so tired & in need of yokoyoko
x lastly, happy birthday jemsybaby :) enjoy your big 2! we luv you (L)!

Rise & shine to a headache and a question

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning & it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

It is only mid-week, and I anticipate for a very well-rested weekend with my love. We planned to stay in her cozy crib with chips & our favourite dvds & feel each other's presence. Come dinner time, we'll satisfy our cravings. The phone with her few hours ago (which lasted for a good seventy-five minutes) was all food talk. It makes the both of us hungrier than ever, but too lazy to let the growling of our tummies go silent. Because both of classes start at different times, ever since I started class, we spend lesser & lesser time with each other. This gives the two of us time to think and to miss.

I still believe that absence makes the heart fonder. The lesser I see her these days, the more often I go 'Hi beeeee, I miss you' in our texts & phone calls. This, me likey :)


p/s: she called me princess last night when i texted her goodnight after our phone-call & i was so smitten.
p/p/s: i love you baby, even if you're gonna continue slurring your speech like how you did over the phone.

And everything in your past, you wanna let it go

Lately, I can't sleep well at night. Lately, I slept very little. Lately, I get tired very easily. Lately, I dreamed a lot. Lately, I thought of you so so so much. Lately, I dreamed of you. The dream so real, I thought I was awake. I woke up, did a reality check, and went back to sleep telling myself this is, by far, the closest to reality dream I ever had of you.

Could this be a sign? I wish this wasn't what came to my mind when I thought about the dream again. I thought these dreams has finally come to a halt when you walked out of that door. I guess, they have not. God, please make them go away. I don't need these right when my life is on the right track...


The Sims 3 Launch Party @ Iluma today & we missed it. Girlfriend had class until 3.15pm & my class starts at 3.30pm so we gotta give it a go :( I want Sims 3 but girlfriend said it'll affect my studies if she buy it for me now and I won't concentrate on studying and most importantly sleeping early. After talking to Rosental & Shermaine on Plurk just now, I think I will really have to see a psychiatrist.

First day of school today, and all that ran through my mind? I miss 0846A, I miss the girls, I miss Marc and his nonsense, I miss Mistical endlessly posting questions to the lecturer, I miss seeing Abby dressing up nicely for class, I miss seeing Alex & his group of friends talking about nothing but soccer and army days, I miss the noisy yet fun-loving class. Any other class is nothing like you guys =(

Econs is a chore. I can never understand why mass commers need to study econs. I just don't get it. Shermaine, my Twitter/Plurk friend, was there too. BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY HI SHE SAID SHE IS SHY :( I was telling bff that nooooo one talked to us la no one smiled either!! Then this guy, who looked like he is drunk / tanned 'cos his face is super red, said "Bye girls, see you!" when we walked out of school. Sweeeet.

Oh, not forgetting, I surprised the girlfriend today :))))))))))) Bought her the new toothpaste I am using. I told her that it is really good, no morning breath, bad breath, whatever breath at all. So I bought one for her to try. She was happy, so was I. I think today we spoke less than fifteen sentences :(

I came home with a headache, and body aches. Whole body aching. I'm too young to feel this old. Oh, and I'm doing my hair tomorrow. No more ugly wavvy hair!! I hope. Please x2398743290 don't screw this up my dear hairdresser AKA Aunty Brenda. I'll be friggin' mad (& I do not care if your daughters are gonna read this) if you screw it!!!!

And, my Restaurant City reached the maximum level. How nice. So many nights of chiong-ing & I reached the maximum level. Waste my time!!!! Ok anyhoooooz I'll blog about the anniversary really soon. Prolly tomorrow after I'm done with my hair or something. The photos are done, but 'cos I gotta wake up at 8 bloody am in the morning tomorrow so I'm gonna turn in after this teehee!


P/s: Oh, and girls, I miss y'all!! I got no class this Thursday, we can hang out. :)))))) Text me okay Jems! Alamak, I forget to update you about your sweater again!!!!

Because I'm one of the lucky ones..

..to be in love and in love with the right person; you.

To most of you, this may be nothing but to me, it is something.

The latter may be an old photo of us but looking at it now does bring back some memories. Yoshinoya, studying for Os, both dressed in red, happy and giggly. It is one of my all-time favourite photo of us, how can I not remember that?

Laugh, you may but it melted my heart when I saw these photos made out of Photofunia. Nothing interesting but the thought of her doing it for us, with our photos - love. She, who don't own a romantic bone at all, is my beloved girlfriend of 1 year, 11 months, 23 days which is exactly 724 days. These seven hundred odd days, I've done countless things that I simply don't understand why I did but I just did. Maybe you don't get what I'm driving at but to the most of you, 'all in the name of love', don't we all agree?

And for the rest of you, I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.


P/s: to one of my favourite girls, ban mian: i love you and thanks for the text last evening. it shocked me, indeed but after reading it, I feel like giving you a fat, juicy, 'exclusive; only for you' kiss. miss you a lot, if you're wondering! see you soon sweetheart :)
P/p/s: thank you bb, i love you so much (♥)

Happy 23rd, love ♥

Happy 23rd to us! ♥

29th is here again, which spells our special day. Amazing how I still anticipate the arrival of every month's 29th. And another month would be our second year! I'm really excited even though we've not planned anything just yet but because this is the longest relationship I ever had and it is with you :)

I don't know how I found you but I'm thankful that I have. Thank you for being with me through out all these times, be it good or bad. Thank you for being my wonderwall, for being there whenever I need you. Thank you for helping me solve my million and one problems whenever I come up to you. Darling, stay close, don't go. I cannot see myself with anyone but you.


I promise that I do have the biggest heart to love you with.
I love you, Jvern Ng :)

P/s: Can't wait to celebrate with you on Saturday!
P/p/s: Not forgetting, happy 23rd to bff and her ah m (act one van der Woodsen) too! How nice that we celebrate this day together every month. Also a constant reminder that we gotta pressies for our girlfriends whenever the day is approaching. Hm, me likey!

does it mean anything to you?

is being happy feels like nothing else would matter to me at all as long as I have you?
is being happy means knowing that someone like you truly cares about me?
is being happy feels a lot lighter?

why happier, better days are so short while bad times lasts so long, so damn long?

p/s: on sunday night, i saw a Mitsubishi & i thought it was you.


ok bai skl naoz effing late thanx to ze rain

Love is supposed to be this bad, make you cry stupid shady sad

She called and said, "Hello, baby, are you ok? I read your blog and you said baby where are you. I am here, baby."

I love you. A lot. So so much. But right now, I'm missing you so fucking much that it's making me cry. Yeh I know, what a fucktard I am. I just wish you were here..just be here, it'd be good enough. So the tears will stop & I'll let you do the job of putting the smile on my face again. I miss long walks with you. Heart to heart talks with you. Making plans with you. Shopping with you, window or not. Enjoying my favourite food with you, enjoying your favourite food with you. Sharing my childhood adventures with you. Playing games with you. Snuggling up in bed with you. Watching movies with you. Spending all weekend with you. Exploring good food and good places with you. Long bus rides with you. Taking photos with you. Sleeping in your bed with you. I just miss..being with you.

x x x


I saw Meredith sleeping then I remember that I forgot to mention I dreamed of "bad things come in pairs" last night. Strange dream I had. It was just..weird. Especially having her in my dreams. Or should I say..nightmare? No I'll stick to dream instead. I know I've been better. But I cannot stop calling you names for what you did to me. I'm constantly reminded of the pain, the hurt, the things you said, the things they said, the things I heard and the actions and occasional winks across the room that you both did. You said they were fucked up. Naive was I to believe that you wouldn't fuck me up that way. But eventually..eventually you still did.


One day, I will forgive you. I'm halfway through it. I know I will forgive you, despite what you did to hurt me.

Today, I thought of C & the hug. But I don't miss them anymore. One more to show that I've moved on. I guess you only think of them, feel the pain and know in your heart that you miss them when you're still holding on. I wish I was. I wish there was a possible way to bring us back all over again and correct things, make them right. I hoped for too much..way way too much.


In this place, hoping is not okay but crying is okay.

I wanna hold you baby, right or wrong

I know we may not be the best or perfect couples around. We fight, we argue but before the day ends, we kiss and make up, apologise for the wrong diction that hurt either one of us or being harsh, rude and giving attitude. We are like every imperfect couples out there. But what made us unique is not the similarity in gender, us walking into the same restroom together or how often we've used both the A and F word in our conversations or little sweet talks here and there. It is our love, the chemistry & passion that makes us stand out.

Whenever you are not around, you are still here in my thoughts as it has always been. For the next two weeks, you being physically near me would probably be less than 24 hours but you know I am with you all the time. Wherever I may be, busy or not, always know you have me. Two weeks sounds long and the first thing that hit me was being without you for a week was hardly possible, much less two weeks and also missing our 21st anniversary celebration. Being the usual negative self, I don't think I could survive through that two weeks & I was very upset about missing our anniversary since I already had something planned. But thank God for the phone calls, text messages and instant messaging. We'll rely a lot on the three greatest inventory for next fourteen days. Not forgetting, time flies. Fourteen days would be up before we knew it. And our anniversary. You promised you would accompany me whenever I need you to after two weeks and we'll have a post-anniversary celebration :)


Just know that I am happy being miserable with you.

Not about being miserable or drowning ourselves in this misery but the whole point is we are going through this together and for me, it is you that I am going through this with. And that..that makes it all worthwhile. You make these painful days endurable, you also made me realise that we can live off a simple life like that as well. Simple lunches & dinners at food courts or hawker centers, whole afternoon of window shopping, walking around aimlessly around the heartland areas or just sitting at a fast food restaurant enjoying each others company. We talk less about high end things and maybe occasionally how we want certain things but more about how we should save up for future raining but happy days.

In our 21 months long relationship, the happiest time I ever had with you and you alone is Valentine's day 2009. And I look forward to more happy and happier times with you.

I love you J. You're my everything, my what's happening.
Our first and last separation made me realise that no one will ever be able to replace you in your place. I'm gonna stickwitu forever xx



P/s: Calling to just say 'I love you' is the cutest thing you have ever done in the longest time. You know I love you too, needless to say ♥

Remind me why we decided this was for the best

For the best. Define, my friend.

For the best: for the good as the final result; to an ultimate advantage
- Dictionary.com

So this was best to you? Being a great liar, doing the whole keep-it-low thing?

Whoa whoa whoa shocked that I found out? Isn't this what you wanted? You knew this was coming. Right from the start when you wanted this, you had to see this coming. I knew you never liked this but I had to.

When Z told me that she saw you both together, shoulders to shoulders at 11pm that night, my mind went blank. I trusted you, you never knew how much trust I put in you. When she told me the sight of her caused you both to stand one arm's length away from each other, thoughts in my head? "I was right, my guess was right, everyone's guess was right. You proved them right instead."

Filling up all the loopholes now, your actions, your ways & what you told me, they all contradict each other. You pretended like you cared. Genuinely. Which really sucked ok 'cos I trust you so naturally I would think that yeh you are, yknow so I shouldn't be mean and care for you too. Hah hah hah Glynis you're such a joke, fucking joke of the year.

And I hate liars. Especially those who lied to me. I hope they'd burn in hell.

And you. I thought you were different because you were honest with me all the time. Hah, to think I was dumb enough to trust you so fucking much. You are no different from the rest. _|_


Your Supergirl. HAHAHA JOKE MOTHERFUCKERS! I even told A, your place in my heart will never ever be replaced no matter how far we've drifted apart, no matter how much distance there is between us. And love for you will always always stay. Be it us being friends, good friends, close friends or even just hi-bye friends. My love for you will always stay. And now? I don't know. I can't say I feel the same anymore. I can't even think of you. The thought of you and what you said to me and all your actions makes my head hurt so bad.

Do not. I mean, DO NOT try to talk to me. I am not going to listen, neither am I gonna "relax lah" or "chill lah" okay. I am not in the mood for your nonsense & childish games right now.

I'm fucking proud of myself that I am not tearing, not wailing, not crying over this. I am actually okay, seeing her in that fucked up photo and having the loopholes filled up.

P/s: Z beb I'm glad you told me the truth. Thanks for listening to me, luv u <3
P/p/s: The mood for the Topshop's event didn't die, so glad I am still going to enjoy myself. Hmph!
P/p/p/s: I might delete this post after all, when I feel better. I don't know. I might keep it here to remind someone :)

I'm sorry about the phone call, & needing you

Sometimes you have to be
strong for yourself. You have
to know that you're a good
person & a good friend.
What's meant to be will end
up good & what's not - won't.
Love is worth fighting for, but
sometimes you can't be the
only one fighting. At times,
people need to fight for you.
If they don't, you just have
to move on & realize what
you gave them was more
than they were willing to
give you. Hopefully, people
realize great things when
they come around. And don't
lose something real. Always fight,
until you can't anymore,
and then be fought for.

I did revision and wrote notes for HMC today. I was in all day with the horribly humid weather and scotching sun shining right into the room. Heat was felt all over, no matter which part of the house I was in. But I was happy with myself for writing so much & I am glad I went for most classes and I wrote notes. Most of the questions and topics for the exam is what he told us to write down. Thank God.

Merl came over in the afternoon to bainian :) She stayed until 10ish and we sent her home. We planned to go Godma Sue's place on Saturday to bainian. She was telling me about her big night out with Joyce & she had a lot to drink. Mostly shots. Makes me hungry for them :| I've been dying for a lychee martini. *hintcoughshint*

I downloaded Time Crisis, Metal Slug X, Resident's Evil & Crash Team Racing today!! :D All was done by 8pm, I started at about 1ish. Fast huh!! Much thanks to my hard disk else no space in the desktop man. Loco Roco 2 is damn fun la okay hahah I cannot stop playing. I ditched the dslite already hahaha.


I was the one snatching my hand away & making us masquerade as friends. So why am I the only one trying to hold it together now? It's like chasing smoke, and it's escaping through my fingers. I made us secret, so now maybe I'm just grabbing at something that was never really there.

I'll never understand why God allows certain people into our lives, fully knowing they're not going to stay. Now I'm scared of anyone who walks into my life.

May the ones you love, be the ones you keep

I'll make this a quick one, do up my hair, watch a little of Grey's & go to bed. No visuals but a summary of how the first day of CNY went for me. I'll upload the pictures (we took quite a lot today, actually) when I'm home from visiting tomorrow. Hopefully today won't be as boring/tiring as today is.

This morning we went over to Gran's. Had my virgin try at vegetarian steamboat. If I can avoid having that for brunch, I really would. I am not a big fan of vegetarian food, honestly. We stayed there until about 1ish and headed over to Godma Irene's place. Had wanton made by Godpa and we watched Catch Me If You Can on the telly. I love that movie &I will watch it again. The rest were having their own gathering in the dining area and they were talking so loudly I couldn't hear clearly! After that we went off to Aunt Alice's place. Had dinner. Yumz pig's stomach soup!! Talked, catch up over coffee, played games, watched Little Nyonya Reunion, had new year goodies & just came back home awhile ago.

I luv my heels. Though they are like..3.5 inches high & almost killed me. But it's okay I still luv heels. I'm gonna wear the wetlook leggings, slouchy top, pair it with my heels & prolly the Prada bag tomorrow! Sexcited. Tomorrow we're gonna visit Grandaunt, going over to Aunt Doris's place then the rest are coming over to our place to visit and dinner. Thank God they are all going back to work/school on Wednesday. Four days, almost 16 hours together everyday with them is hell.

x

As much as it feels unpredictable, when you start to dawn at it, it isn't really. It's quite obvious. Things can never stay good here, there's always that little niche that has to come into play & in someway distort something either drastically or just a tad. Depending on your situation, time & place you can always kind of predict the worst that could happen & according to whatever it is your doing, it being something good the more likely nothing bad is to happen or vice versa.

I got played with quick session of emotions that as of not to long ago, I thought I had overcome & that they were 98% erased from me. I felt forgiven & confident and just generally a better being. That's when I should of realized something terrible is prone to happen sooner or later. Things can't stay good for long here, we all know it. We've even said it out loud a couple times.

I never thought that something so small could spurt into something so big & so fast too. It really does prove that time does fly.

Mainly though, I don't want to have an empty pit in my stomach for ever now. I wonder when I'm thirty, how will I look back (I think about the future a lot & it always overwhelms me). I just want to simply apologize to an angel. You can pluck away a strand of hair but it will grow back. You'll always stay within me. I'm sorry.

x

Staring at this empty space, trying to think back about what I wanted to type in here. I had so much to put in here today. I had so much emotions rushing through me that I wanna blog about. But now staring at this space, I couldn't think of anything but your photo that I took of you which I kept as your small contact image on my phone with your name appearing in my screen. The image only appears small when there's a text, big when it's an incoming call.

When he asked how I was with the whole thing about you today, I stood next to him & said, "No, no turning back. Trust me on that." He replied, "Time will tell okay, and you'll go back if there is turning back." I couldn't answer him because my mind says no way but my heart is nodding away, dying to say yes. No because it is good for me and yes because I really, really want to turn back.

In his car, I was wondering where are you, are you enjoying the visiting & collection of red packets, remembering that you don't like the company of your relatives & annoying cousins. Wondering if you had fun, were you thinking of the same thing as I was..

The question is, have I really moved on or have I been mindfucking myself that I've moved on?

We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime

 

Taken on 16th Jan.

Here are many questions that I have that I know will always be left unanswered because I would never have the heart to ask them because it hurts too much. Way too much. So much that I cannot bear. I've told you how I feel so many times before and each time I did, it fails. Right through. Without even having to complete what I wanted to say, I already knew it would fail. But I still told you anyway. I kept telling myself I shouldn't expect too much from you because whenever I do, I get disappointed, land myself in disappointment which leads to me being very very upset for the next few days.

And eventually I've just got to walk away. Walk away with as much of my heart & pride in tact as possible. If (inserts name) chases after me, great, but if you're having to walk away, chances are (inserts name) won't. So be ready to plaster a big fake smile on my face & tough through the hard parts. Because in the end, it's so much better that I left with what I could, then got left with nothing.

I don't know, I wish you were here right now with me.
Tonight you texted me, I was happy but..mixed feelings you know.

x

Reunion dinner was great. We had mini bbq and steamboat, 2 in 1! Six hours after dinner, and my tummy growls. Seriously. I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm on a diet! Ok but cny's here and with all the goodies..... :/ shrugs, I will cut down, maintain, whatever & everything. I'm just super sleepy now, I need to get some rest.

Did I mention, I permed my hair?
I love it, I always wanted curls! I will perm it permenantly after CNY.


Happy nu year everyone [[=

I remember seeing you for the first time
My stomach flipping, nerves firing
I remember touching you for the first time
My fingers trembling, my heart pounding
I remember kissing you for the first time
Lips touching, gently tasting
I remember lying next to you for the first time
Skin against skin, exchanging warmth
I remember watching you sleep for the first time
Your eyes closed, deep in peace
I remember you waking against me
Murmuring in my ear

But what I remember most
Is falling asleep in your arms
Content at last

Great Saturday only because I finally bought heels. I'm not sober, not drunk but tired & sleepy. I just don't feel like I'm alive at all. With such mood and everything, I can still blog/write. Amazing huh. I've got photos from today but I've not uploaded them yet..I will do it tomorrow after the reunion dinner if I got pictures, if I intend to bring SLR over that is. Hair cut + reunion dinner tomorrow. Siansxz x last number. I have to entertain their one million and five questions about my studies and family and problems and gossips and shopping and my face and my make up and clothes and whatnot. Worry about that tomorrow, for now it's Grey's + J + bed = goodnight <3


x
Do I still love you? Absolutely. There's not a doubt in my mind. Through all my anger, my ego, I was always faithful in my love for you. That I ever made you doubt it-- is the greatest mistake in a life full of mistakes. I can tell you that I love you as many times as you can stand to hear it but it doesn't set us free, all it does is remind us that love is not enough. It's not even close.

P/s: I am not asking for anything but I really feel unappreciated. And it sucks. You know that. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT YOU BITCHBASTARD IT IS GETTING ON MY NERVES WHEN I'VE TO KEEP SMILING LIKE IT IS OK WHEN YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED!!