If my heart was a house, you'd be home

I promise. Next year once I start blogging, I'll notnever stop.

Blogging is an outlet for me and not blogging = keeping everything to myself. I cannot do it. I don't wanna do it. It's either that or trying to sum up my bad day in 140 characters on Twitter. It's not fun at all.


That aside, bee went Batam for a short getaway with her family. Before I left for BKK, we were arguing like mad almost everyday like it didn't matter whether I was leaving. It was the same when she was leaving. But just before we both left, everything was ok. Asking each other to be well, take care, eat well and stuff. She said (maybe not for you guys) the sweetest thing to me before she left: "Love you my baby, I will miss you. Catch you when I'm back!" It made me smile. Oh God, I'm tearing.

My phone's been silent after she left. No texts. No phone calls. No rushing to wherever my phone is when Ryan sings Love You Forever. No giggling while on the phone, no getting mad after hanging up. All until tomorrow.


I thought I'll be fine without her 'cos I always wanted some quite time alone. Now that I'm given, I don't want it. I'd rather have someone to talk to, someone to bug, someone to show what I found on the net and stuff.

This sucks.
Bee, promise me you won't go overseas anymore? Only with me? :(

You know, it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this.

3am, you're fast asleep in your cozy bed. Here I am, thinking of all the things you said and done & crying myself silly until I feel better, until I fall asleep. The whole episode since a month ago 'til now, it left me empty, disappointed & upset. This fight is not over. I wish it'd be over soon or right now because I'm exhausted. I'm tired of feeling tired.

What happened?
What happened to us?
What is it that changed?
What was it that I did that ruined the happiness?

I wished I was loved by someone the way I love you. I wanna know how it feels like, how fortunate or painful it is to be with me. Is it so fortunate that you forgot I'm human? Is it so painful that it snaps easily, the sound of my name made you think if it is worth to stay?

I've fought, I've tried, I've cried, I've done almost everything I could ever think of to show you I am worth it. I am much worthy than those trashy girls you told me about, than that girl sitting in fifth row in class that you told me is pretty.

Been wanting to cry so bad & when the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum played, tears started running like a tap.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk, and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.


I dare not think about the years. I just want to be happy in 5 days.

I hate you, Sundays

i hate when monday comes around because that means i have to step out of my comfort zone and join the real world again for five days

but one thing I'm really glad about? I have the best of both worlds all over again. Girlfriend + friends (which includes my very much loved bff <3) :)
tutorial all week this week =would be HELL but never mind. After that comes study week and then exam week which means notes writing starts with hell lot intake of caffeine & snacks & late nights. Once exams are over, ALL HELL BREAK LOOSE I'M DONE WITH FUCKING SCHOOL but not done with mdis omg fml

goodnight for now guys, wearing headband all day is making my head so painful.........

Give me, just one part of you to cling to

Leaving you alone to let your thoughts run wild
And me here, attempting to write in the hopes to make you feel better.

I know by telling you that I am here with you, ready to walk this through with you anytime whenever you are ready, it is not helping. Not at all. From what I can tell, it makes you feel worse. Asked to be left alone, and I did.

These issues that you are worried about, they would never go away until things make a turn and be better. I cannot say that it will not happen overnight because certain things would just change when you least expect them to. I know it is tough, we all would take some time to get used to this. We may not be as carefree as before but there is one feeling fo' sure that wouldn't change. My happiness. With you, anywhere, any occasion, under any kind of circumstances, I will be happy. Bread and rice wine, dirty used flip-flops, chips and rented movie and couch potato, cheap sales and discounts, coffee shops and food court, a not-so-luxurious life - all of these, with you, I will still be very, very happy. Because it is with you, the one that I am in love with, the one that I hope is as much in love with me too.

Deep down inside of me I know how tough this is and I totally understand all that we're about to go through but baby, I may whine once in a while, I may also complain. When I do, have a little patience with me. Lend me your ears, be a good listener. I do so not to irritate you further or pressurize you more, please understand. Because there is no one else who would be more willing than you are to listen to my woes. There is also no one else that I would want to have them listening to me, pouring my worried sick heart out to them, knowing they not only do not understand, they also can't do anything to help me at all.

But most importantly, darling, I am not scared. In fact, I am ready. I am more than willing to go through this with you anytime. The only thing that brings fear is you giving up. You are slowly giving up even before we've started this. Don't, please.. I need you to be strong enough to go on..for me. Will you, please?


Believe me baby, things will be just fine.
I have you and more importantly, you have me for all times.

I love you Jvern, wholeheartedly.
Please remember that..

P/s: And it is not okay to say that you are okay when you are completely not. Don't do that to me. It kills me even more.
P/p/s: School was fun, having bff over was better :) mom really likes her, I can tell. goodnight all!

Time favors no one & if we wait, we too can fall in love a second too late

Let go of the parts of life you honestly don't want.

You.
You are the one part of my life that I do not want. Take away whatever you've taught me, whatever you've given me, whatever you've showered me with. Take them with you, for the rest of your life. I do not want them anymore.

I wish I didn't care so much about you. I wish I didn't want the best for you even though there's so many reasons I should hate you for. I wish it isn't that hard to talk to you or for you to talk to me.

.

You call yourself my friends, who would be there, who truly cared, who said I had your backs, who said you would always be on my side no matter what, who said I deserved better friends than those I met before. I thought you guys were really different. The kind that I can keep for a long time. The kind that 10, 20 years from now we'll get together, revive the moments we had together and be very thankful for each and everyone of us. All that "Remember when we first met?" talk and the "Remember when we said we were never gonna date a true blue ah beng?"

But I was wrong. I am wrong. Again. And again. And once more.

Why the hell did I even allow you to build hopes in me? And when they are all false hope, who am I to blame but me?

Since the last time I called you and really needed you to be there, that was then when I know that you weren't true. Those words are just words. Empty, and meaningless. Only said because you felt like it. It was then when I decided that I shouldn't treat you like how I want to be treated because it doesn't pay to be nice.

"I cannot imagine if you are alone leh. I really cannot. I feel like you are trying to be very strong lor. If I were you, I will cry la."

Her words kept ringing through my mind all the time since the moment we parted. I am strong but I don't think I am strong enough to face all of these today, not all in one fucking day. I'm so tired. So sick of losing important people. No matter how much I convinced myself into letting them go & keep going 'I really don't care about them yknow, seriously I'm not even sad!', at the back of mind when you are in trouble, or you are not found at where you are supposed to, I panic. I get worried. I start making endless calls only to find out that you are with someone and got distracted or you were in deep slumber. Even knowing that, I am still glad you are safe and sound. When you fall, I will catch you. Even if when I do, I get a sprain in my ankle, I still think it is worth it as long as you are safe and sound and happy. Why do I care so much for people who don't even care about me?

Crying is okay here but I swear I do not want to. Not for you guys again. That is the last thing I wanna do.

.

On a much lighter note, school was quite okay and we had a short but wonderful afternoon together. Window shopping = candy to the eye = sour plums to the heart. Why do I always spot on expensive things!! :(

Tomorrow we're gonna do some shopping. Yes shopping with bags and the happy-because-I-bought-something-today feeling to bring home with! We're gonna (finally) watch movie as well. I am so indecisive about which movie to watch :( Too many movies that I wanna watch to choose from. Oh and I must do some accessories shopping at Diva heh heh. Just look around, I promised myself I won't spend too much tomorrow.

Thank you for the lunch, the constant pinching and bullying and tickling and chuckling and laughing (beams), the want to buy everything for me to make me happy thought (still thinking of the Topshop high waist shorts, Topshop preppy polo tee, River Island patent/canvas shoes, Ralph Lauren tote bag, Agnes B card holder and wallet), and TCC for Lychee Jazz craving baby :) You're none other but the best!

My head needs to quit thinking, it is quite irritating. Reminds me of Jacob, being able to hear the whole wolves pack's thoughts. I'm as good as him right now. I'm gonna go rest, while I wait for baby to call me ^^

AND you can ask me if I am okay but not ask me what happened or if I care to share with you about it. I will if only I want to and willing to tell you this long grandmother story of mine. Thank you very much :)

P/s: sanks bff, and i hate you! (hate is the new love) OK BYE! See you online on Sunday night peach hey you no miss me alright just call my re xian 1800-CALL-G-BFF :)

I believe it's you who could make it better

I always like to end the day on a good note. Even if we argue or quarrel, even if we have to face the harsh truth, I want to talk about it because I don't wanna have to bring all the worries and fears to another new day, thus the phone call. I don't want to have another talk like how we did yesterday. Not the topic, not the tone, not the reason, not the silent fight we keep fighting within ourselves.

I love you, and you know that. You know that better than everyone else in the world. You love me, you reassured me again last night & I felt at ease.

"I..I love you. That's why I chose you."

If I had to choose, I would only choose you. It is either you or no one else. Us coming back together, to me it is a sign that we're meant to be. We're made for each other. We shouldn't let someone else, a third party to ruin this, right?

"No matter what..no matter what happens, I will always be here."

Smiled as the tears rolled down my rosy hot cheeks, the heat from the phone was on my face. That's just what I needed to hear, needed to know right now. Because I don't want you to go away. How many times did I repeat that last night? Is it repeated enough number of times for you to remember and know why I did what I did?

"Stop thinking about it, okay. Go and sleep, you got class early tomorrow. It's late already, go sleep or tomorrow you can't get up, can't concentrate in class. Goodnight. I love you."

I love you too, I whispered smiling away as I finally let go of my fears and worries to rest for the night.

I love you baby, my one and only.
We could be the next Ellen and Portia :)

Lover please, turn that car around & come back home

Few hours late but better late than never.

Happy birthday to the one whom I called my sister from another mother, the one whom I care more than my blood sister, the one whom I really liked being with, the one whom I loved talking to, the one whom wanted a younger sister too..

May all your wishes and dreams come true. I hope you are doing well. I still want the best for you. I won't forget you, won't forget the times we had either.

Take care.

Love,
G xoxo


x x x

Remember what I said about honesty? Remember how much I hate people hiding things and lying to me, let me be the last one to know?

I didn't bring it up because, I don't want an argument when we're so happy. I just wished you'd tell me about it, not having me to ask you then you tell me.

I'm sorry, if I make it seem impossible to talk to me.

x x x

I wanted to say you lost but now..I'm not too sure. I won half the battle. And she's on my side. I hope she doesn't waiver and go over to you. Not now. Not soon. I hope never.

Love is supposed to be this bad, make you cry stupid shady sad

She called and said, "Hello, baby, are you ok? I read your blog and you said baby where are you. I am here, baby."

I love you. A lot. So so much. But right now, I'm missing you so fucking much that it's making me cry. Yeh I know, what a fucktard I am. I just wish you were here..just be here, it'd be good enough. So the tears will stop & I'll let you do the job of putting the smile on my face again. I miss long walks with you. Heart to heart talks with you. Making plans with you. Shopping with you, window or not. Enjoying my favourite food with you, enjoying your favourite food with you. Sharing my childhood adventures with you. Playing games with you. Snuggling up in bed with you. Watching movies with you. Spending all weekend with you. Exploring good food and good places with you. Long bus rides with you. Taking photos with you. Sleeping in your bed with you. I just miss..being with you.

x x x


I saw Meredith sleeping then I remember that I forgot to mention I dreamed of "bad things come in pairs" last night. Strange dream I had. It was just..weird. Especially having her in my dreams. Or should I say..nightmare? No I'll stick to dream instead. I know I've been better. But I cannot stop calling you names for what you did to me. I'm constantly reminded of the pain, the hurt, the things you said, the things they said, the things I heard and the actions and occasional winks across the room that you both did. You said they were fucked up. Naive was I to believe that you wouldn't fuck me up that way. But eventually..eventually you still did.


One day, I will forgive you. I'm halfway through it. I know I will forgive you, despite what you did to hurt me.

Today, I thought of C & the hug. But I don't miss them anymore. One more to show that I've moved on. I guess you only think of them, feel the pain and know in your heart that you miss them when you're still holding on. I wish I was. I wish there was a possible way to bring us back all over again and correct things, make them right. I hoped for too much..way way too much.


In this place, hoping is not okay but crying is okay.

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town & kiss you on the mouth

Mom, i had enough. i am sorry i am not as capable as you want me to be, not as smart as the way she is, not a good sister as the way she is, not as pretty as the way she can be. i am not in any way jealous of her, to be downright honest. i am not envious either. we had this talk for a million and oneth time but you just wouldn't let it into your head that we are all fucking different. we have our own individual differences and we are special and talented in our own ways. this probably isn't the way you want me to be but mom, i am who i am.
at the age of 19, i've never smoked. i've never slept around. i've never been through an abortion. i've never fucked a guy or let a guy fuck me. i never had one night stands and contagious kisses. i never had a proper boyfriend, excluding the girlfriends you know of. i never gave you huge ass problems. i never went to girls' home. i never commited a crime. i was never in probation. i was never a problem kid. other than all of these that most parents would ask for in their child, what do you want from me? to be able to earn my own income, to be as pretty as the way she is, to be as smart as the way she is, to have a boyfriend whom you also agreed that is ugly like her, to be a fucking ah lian, to own an online boutique that sells ugly aunty ah lian clothes. that is what you ask of me, right mom? i'm sorry but that is not me. i am not like that. i am not an ah lian, i am not that material, and i cannot have a boyfriend whom i think is ugly and you also agree with me. i can earn my own income, it is whether i want to or not but you also mentioned to me that you do not want me to juggle between both school and work because you know i cannot manage which is true. i am not pretty like her because she uses at least an inch thick of make up on her face and her lashes are falsies. you know i believe in natural beauty, inner beauty that everyone has and i put on mineral make up, falsies only on special occasions or when i feel like it. i can never be like her because we are two different people and i do not want to be like her.
have you not realised that she's always telling you about how her daughter is so and so, doing this and that? mom, she wants to show you that she has a good daughter and also to show you her daughter is so capable, and that she is happy and all. she is proud of her own daughter. but..are you? i know you are not proud of me, you are not proud of us. i know you'd ask, what is there to be proud of? i may not have done as much as she did to make her mom proud to make you proud but i did things that i was supposed to do and i did not do more than that. i have a passion, i have an interest, i have something that i love so much, i have a lot more of what she didn't have. i was a ballerina, a pianist, a percussionist, a writer, a tuition teacher & a good listener. there's a lot more that i am but i cannot think of right now, i am just bursting with emotions to spill. but all in all, i can say i am relatively good daughter.
well, the main point of typing this out is..sigh mom, stop expecting so much of me. the more you expect of me, the more i keep fighting to get what you want and be who/what you want me to be, the lesser you see of me as myself. and i do not want that to happen. i like who i am. i like the happy pill that people love to see, and when they see me, they feel happy too. i like being glynis. i like making people happy, even if it means making me unhappy. and that is why i keep fighting to keep you as happy as you can be, mom.
but right now, i cannot go on anymore.
i am very exhausted.

know what? i am not tearing. i am not crying either. i am very calm. is it that i've sorted out my thoughts or is it that i have given up?



sorry, i had enough i just had to let it out.
blog later when i'm feeling better.

Forget the things we swore we meant

(Ignore the whole part if you're not interested to know about someone's ugly deeds)
The truth. It has finally seen light.

Today was supposed to be a very happy day for me. But it all turned out really bad. Can't believe I still cried so hard. Tiong Bahru is the place that the four of us were seen crying at, ha ha ha not fun okay.

I hate to be hidden in the dark. It's horrible being me now. But girls, I'm thankful, for telling me everything that I have to know. And I'm sorry, for throwing my temper and flaring up in the midst of nowhere..I guess you should know by now I really hate lies, liars and their whole not being able to tell the effing truth issue. Anyway I love y'all <3 The whole 'don't tell Glynis' shit has to stop. I'm hearing too much lies. I had enough. I am quite exseparated, I need to breathe.

I was made the biggest fucking fool. Thank you. Thanks a lot. Now I'm wondering what is it that you said was the truth, which part is not. The part about the chase, about being a monk (no one would joke at that point of time ok it was fucking serious), about being appreciative was a fucking lie. The part about dating someone else was the only truth, huh? Prove me wrong.

Do you actually expect me to wait for you, while you around looking for something else to divert your attention to before you come and think that 'hey yeh I think now it's the time'? Have I not been here for long enough? Am I not always here? I have always been here. I heard so much about 'yknow he's trying, give him some time, it'll be all good' & yada yada yada...time after time I was told I should let you be, leave you as the way you are & one day when your wires just happen to connect back to normal, you'll come and be yourself again.

And you do not fucking push the blame to me. You do not fucking do that. If you want me to say everything, every single thing, the whole entire fucking story, I will. In details. This is where my amazing cannot-forget memory comes in handy. Honesty is the best fucking policy, haven't you heard?

Karma will hit you right back. Stab you in your anal and you get it big time. It'll hurt you twice as fucking much as it is hurting me now. You just wait. You'll get yours okay.


Remember I told you about this someone whom I used to date, how badly she used to use and aduse me, how bad it all was & how things ended between us? From what I know, she is still single. It's been almost three years since she last got into a proper relationship. Even she agreed that it was karma, and it was because of what she did to me.


/Edit
I'm very calm now. I said all that out of anger. And people say you say things you meant deep down in your heart when you're angry. I don't know. I kinda wish what I learned today was a damn joke, or it was a long dream that I had. But no smoke, no disappearing, no opening my eyes and see the sun shining....never mind I will continue blogging

x x x

Long John @ Tiong for quick lunch, short cry, ranting session
Gemstones headband from Charmeleon
Free flow of vulgurities
22, Boon Keng - Interview for Shim, mom & dad came to pick me
Bainian @ Aunt Doris's place
Dying for my own room
Couldn't stop pestering mama about it

Cannot stop annoying bff ^^
I love you bff, ai si ni 184 1314

I got an anonymous letter in the mailbox today. I was freaked out. No names, no initials, no note, no letter, no nothing. It contained two movie vouchers. I really wonder who was the one who sent this. I cannot recognise the handwriting either! I do not remember anyone I know of with such handwriting...

 

  

Weird much?

It'd be nice if you let me who are you. :)
I really wanna know who & I've got my ways to. Heh heh heh I went to call GV but to no avail as they were closed for the day. I will call them again on Monday. Die die must find out! I was telling A I think it's the #1 bitch but she don't have my address, neither does anyone around her.. but then again, why would she be so nice since she's made #1 bitch in all of our minds?

Today, didn't get to see you, smell you & feel your presence. (Angry :@ + Upset :/ + Disappointed :(( + Bo bian :|) x 236938472289473 !!!! Miss you miss you miss you miss youuuuuuuu sigh


Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel for coffee + supper for now, be back later! I will blog again later la I guess I bet this coffee + supper will be more like gossip + suffer.

P/s: I think my attempt to do up Audrey Hepburn's hair = failed :(

Secret admirer: Okay, do you know my friends then? Or do any one of my friends know you? Really curious to know who you are! Email me if you are not comfortable revealing your identity here alright :) Oh ok, happy reading then! <3

This is the closest I've come to touching you the way I want

It is worthwhile, that's why I'm in this battle for you. Every scar I get from this battle would remind me what I went through for you. It is worth it. I know it is.

Yknow when you asked me out, with hesitation, "Er...wanna go for movies?" I was thinking what made you hesitate. Is it my answer, for the fear of rejection? Or is it because you think I do not want to go out with you?

And whenever you asks me to hang out with you, anytime any day anywhere, it will be a definite yes without consideration, no hesitation.


Yknow when you said you'd kiss me whenever you see me, I got a shock. I mean, shock in a nice way I guess. I mean, not being grossed out and all & you said it.

And in actual fact, I'd love it.


Yknow when you said that you did thought of getting together with me & that maybe I do deserve a chance but you have zero confidence with ":(" to end off the sentence, I felt so relieved. I thought this was a one-sided thing all along. Right from the beginning.

For that one moment, I felt so light.


Yknow I said, "Goodnight, I love you" not because I want something from you but I just wanted you to know. That is all. Simple. And sweet.

I wonder how am I supposed to express this, to make you feel like yknow, I really love you & this is clearly what I want right now. How am I going to prove this all to you that it is true, nothing but the truth & love?

I love you.

May the ones you love, be the ones you keep

I'll make this a quick one, do up my hair, watch a little of Grey's & go to bed. No visuals but a summary of how the first day of CNY went for me. I'll upload the pictures (we took quite a lot today, actually) when I'm home from visiting tomorrow. Hopefully today won't be as boring/tiring as today is.

This morning we went over to Gran's. Had my virgin try at vegetarian steamboat. If I can avoid having that for brunch, I really would. I am not a big fan of vegetarian food, honestly. We stayed there until about 1ish and headed over to Godma Irene's place. Had wanton made by Godpa and we watched Catch Me If You Can on the telly. I love that movie &I will watch it again. The rest were having their own gathering in the dining area and they were talking so loudly I couldn't hear clearly! After that we went off to Aunt Alice's place. Had dinner. Yumz pig's stomach soup!! Talked, catch up over coffee, played games, watched Little Nyonya Reunion, had new year goodies & just came back home awhile ago.

I luv my heels. Though they are like..3.5 inches high & almost killed me. But it's okay I still luv heels. I'm gonna wear the wetlook leggings, slouchy top, pair it with my heels & prolly the Prada bag tomorrow! Sexcited. Tomorrow we're gonna visit Grandaunt, going over to Aunt Doris's place then the rest are coming over to our place to visit and dinner. Thank God they are all going back to work/school on Wednesday. Four days, almost 16 hours together everyday with them is hell.

x

As much as it feels unpredictable, when you start to dawn at it, it isn't really. It's quite obvious. Things can never stay good here, there's always that little niche that has to come into play & in someway distort something either drastically or just a tad. Depending on your situation, time & place you can always kind of predict the worst that could happen & according to whatever it is your doing, it being something good the more likely nothing bad is to happen or vice versa.

I got played with quick session of emotions that as of not to long ago, I thought I had overcome & that they were 98% erased from me. I felt forgiven & confident and just generally a better being. That's when I should of realized something terrible is prone to happen sooner or later. Things can't stay good for long here, we all know it. We've even said it out loud a couple times.

I never thought that something so small could spurt into something so big & so fast too. It really does prove that time does fly.

Mainly though, I don't want to have an empty pit in my stomach for ever now. I wonder when I'm thirty, how will I look back (I think about the future a lot & it always overwhelms me). I just want to simply apologize to an angel. You can pluck away a strand of hair but it will grow back. You'll always stay within me. I'm sorry.

x

Staring at this empty space, trying to think back about what I wanted to type in here. I had so much to put in here today. I had so much emotions rushing through me that I wanna blog about. But now staring at this space, I couldn't think of anything but your photo that I took of you which I kept as your small contact image on my phone with your name appearing in my screen. The image only appears small when there's a text, big when it's an incoming call.

When he asked how I was with the whole thing about you today, I stood next to him & said, "No, no turning back. Trust me on that." He replied, "Time will tell okay, and you'll go back if there is turning back." I couldn't answer him because my mind says no way but my heart is nodding away, dying to say yes. No because it is good for me and yes because I really, really want to turn back.

In his car, I was wondering where are you, are you enjoying the visiting & collection of red packets, remembering that you don't like the company of your relatives & annoying cousins. Wondering if you had fun, were you thinking of the same thing as I was..

The question is, have I really moved on or have I been mindfucking myself that I've moved on?

We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime

 

Taken on 16th Jan.

Here are many questions that I have that I know will always be left unanswered because I would never have the heart to ask them because it hurts too much. Way too much. So much that I cannot bear. I've told you how I feel so many times before and each time I did, it fails. Right through. Without even having to complete what I wanted to say, I already knew it would fail. But I still told you anyway. I kept telling myself I shouldn't expect too much from you because whenever I do, I get disappointed, land myself in disappointment which leads to me being very very upset for the next few days.

And eventually I've just got to walk away. Walk away with as much of my heart & pride in tact as possible. If (inserts name) chases after me, great, but if you're having to walk away, chances are (inserts name) won't. So be ready to plaster a big fake smile on my face & tough through the hard parts. Because in the end, it's so much better that I left with what I could, then got left with nothing.

I don't know, I wish you were here right now with me.
Tonight you texted me, I was happy but..mixed feelings you know.

x

Reunion dinner was great. We had mini bbq and steamboat, 2 in 1! Six hours after dinner, and my tummy growls. Seriously. I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm on a diet! Ok but cny's here and with all the goodies..... :/ shrugs, I will cut down, maintain, whatever & everything. I'm just super sleepy now, I need to get some rest.

Did I mention, I permed my hair?
I love it, I always wanted curls! I will perm it permenantly after CNY.


Happy nu year everyone [[=