Saturday, February 28, 2009

Love is supposed to be this bad, make you cry stupid shady sad

She called and said, "Hello, baby, are you ok? I read your blog and you said baby where are you. I am here, baby."

I love you. A lot. So so much. But right now, I'm missing you so fucking much that it's making me cry. Yeh I know, what a fucktard I am. I just wish you were here..just be here, it'd be good enough. So the tears will stop & I'll let you do the job of putting the smile on my face again. I miss long walks with you. Heart to heart talks with you. Making plans with you. Shopping with you, window or not. Enjoying my favourite food with you, enjoying your favourite food with you. Sharing my childhood adventures with you. Playing games with you. Snuggling up in bed with you. Watching movies with you. Spending all weekend with you. Exploring good food and good places with you. Long bus rides with you. Taking photos with you. Sleeping in your bed with you. I just miss..being with you.

x x x


I saw Meredith sleeping then I remember that I forgot to mention I dreamed of "bad things come in pairs" last night. Strange dream I had. It was just..weird. Especially having her in my dreams. Or should I say..nightmare? No I'll stick to dream instead. I know I've been better. But I cannot stop calling you names for what you did to me. I'm constantly reminded of the pain, the hurt, the things you said, the things they said, the things I heard and the actions and occasional winks across the room that you both did. You said they were fucked up. Naive was I to believe that you wouldn't fuck me up that way. But eventually..eventually you still did.


One day, I will forgive you. I'm halfway through it. I know I will forgive you, despite what you did to hurt me.

Today, I thought of C & the hug. But I don't miss them anymore. One more to show that I've moved on. I guess you only think of them, feel the pain and know in your heart that you miss them when you're still holding on. I wish I was. I wish there was a possible way to bring us back all over again and correct things, make them right. I hoped for too much..way way too much.


In this place, hoping is not okay but crying is okay.

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello glynis, love. i felt so bad when i read your posts, knowin' that i couldn't do anythin' to help you to cheer up, not even any of my comments would. i know all you need is her and i genuinely wish that she'll be here for you. don't give up halfway. just a while... a while more and you'll be doin' all those fav things with her.

no matter how fucked you think you are right now, always rmb you went through even worst fucked up incidents and you went through it alone, strong and brave. you are one strong girl, glynis.

j will never fail you, i hope. i will always be here =)

with love,
Secret.Admirer

February 28, 2009 at 1:45 PM  

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