My arms won't free you; my heart won't try

Love is the scars on your knees, the leftover food in the refrigerator, the song the birds sing, the pain you inflict, the sweet nothingness that flutters from your lover's mouth, a half-complete cigarette, diet coke which fizzles on your tongue, the rainbow sprinkles on your cupcake, the battered package you received in the mail the other day, the sound of wind escaping through a small gap in the window, the dampness of your hair, the chipped red varnish on your fingernails, your grandmother's musical box, the ballet shoes you've had since you were five, the music playing on your car stereo, the flaky paint on your walls, the bubblegum stuck under desks, the tooth-fairy, your hands and the things you can make with them, the kisses you blow, the clothes you wear, 5 AM morning breath, your sensitive teeth, the tingly feeling you get when you get touched at certain parts of your body, the tangles in your lover's hair, sleepless nights, overdosing on painkillers, undeserved success and recognition, telling lies and not getting caught, blacking out from consuming too much alcohol, being desired by multiple parties, solving a mathematical problem, watching the people around you, watching the people messing up around you, screaming out your window in the middle of the night, flaming your lover's ex, smudged mascara, disheveled hair and smeared lipstick, the coffee and bagel you digest on a daily basis, little children, silence, recyclable materials, trees, photosynthesis, growth, development.

No, love is you, I, and a careless mixture of everything else we worry about.

x at least three folders of overdue photos to blog about
x GP presentation on monday, which is also our 25th anniversary
x meeting bb on sunday to get her new phone, and a dinner together to celebrate our anni
x bought new adapter for lappie which cost me $85 :@
x out with the girls on thurs was fab though all of us were restless but still happy
x had dinner with bff & bb at ajisen today
x school drained the shit out of me, now i'm so tired & in need of yokoyoko
x lastly, happy birthday jemsybaby :) enjoy your big 2! we luv you (L)!

I've held you a million times. & it still feels good

 

When it seems like you're breathing but you're already dead to me.

Today I will not procrastinate and do the following:
x do up the sale post
x decide which RL bag to get for CNY
x shop for a pair of decent heels and a dress
x do research for Jalaini's assignment
x edit photos, really need a nice photo to make my day
x mcwings mcwings mcwings please
x watch gg I finished already, waiting for E15 :)
x watch 90210 watching now!
x make payment for my online purchases by tonight
x party arrangements? hell lot to do really
x upload photos from yesterday
x do a little bit of revision? 3rd Feb is like really near &I don't wanna fail this sem

So much to do, so little time

Anyhooooos other than the weeping part, yesterday was a great Friday :)

Jemi & I made it to school! Well, at 10pm when yknow everyone's going break but whatever, the point is we made it there. Marc was alone so it was three of us. If I knew he was alone on Thursday, I'd have made it to school. So M, text me k next time!!!!

Suma's super duper annoying. We were not listening, just plain talking about people/friends & whatnots. After class, both of them went home while I went to J's place.

Honestly, it scares me, the way there was far more than familiar. The emotions were mixed. Should I say I'm happy or..sad? It makes me feel like the whole wanting to see you soon has never gone away. The sight of your face would just make me feel so relieved that I'm here already. When I got to the station, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't walk right. I never had to hold the railing so bad. My mind was twirling like a ballerina in her tutu skirt. I don't know what was wrong, am I supposed to feel this way?

 

  

  

He Ma & Little Hippo :D

We stayed at her place for awhile, just sat around rest for a bit before going for lunch & our movie. We took a bus down to Far East. Shopped a bit, told her about the supplier's place & all that. We weren't that hungry so we walked to Wisma & had lunch at FoodRepublic instead. We stayed there for quite some time, just plain talking about people generally. I told her things that I said I'd keep these thoughts to myself. Certain thoughts like these, I don't think it's necessary to tell anyone but sometimes it just annoys me so I let it out and the only person I feel this comfy telling to is her.

And there's probably someone else out there but I doubt they are interested to know my opinion. W/e w/e w/e w/e w/e

Once we are done, we walked down to Cine, checked but no suitable timings for the movie so we walked back to Plaza Sing. I went crazy on the way there. We were talking about Butch Hunt & I just started laughing hysterically when we were near Somerset train station. I got no idea why I did that but what J said was funny but that funny moment was over, I just had a lot of laughing gas in me so I just burst out laughing. So hard that it hurts, ok it is this bad!! But I like such moments. I mean, I was really laughing for the first time in awhile. Felt good. I like it.

Caught The Women! Gr8 show I love it :)

 

  

  

  

The slutty bitch

Towards the ending was really funny, I couldn't stop laughing. I don't mind watching it again! I haven't laughed so hard in awhile, really. J found the show really boring in the beginning but I like the show, honestly. I told Shim to watch it hahaha and the quotes from the show is really good as well. I've yet to find them though.

I felt so sick when I got reminded it was dinner time. Wth eat again!? After thinking for ages, we went to Suntec. Combed the entire place & settled in for PastaMania. Wtf we were like saying how we are gonna have something we didn't eat before 'cos we're always eating the same thing! In the end we're back at PastaMania.

 

  

  

 

And we talked a lot about me and my fears and..me being so me. Something unchangeable.

I should not fear because people come and go. And I don't expect everyone who has been here for me to still be there when I need them. But when I say I'm always here, I meant it. I'd try to be there, no matter how messed up or busy I am, I will make time. Whether you're worth it or not as my friend. And once I've rejected you, I promise, I'd feel bad all my life & I would always remember every incident when I said no to you but forget every incident when you said no to me.

This is something I cannot change about me, this is me.

Yan called & we met up after dinner at Spinelli's @ The Heeren. Sat around, talked & etc. Felt really good all over again, after the depressing much talk we had over dinner about me being me.

Y: Then you wouldn't be here, this unhappy
G: True..but I wouldn't have met you, wouldn't have met the two girls
Y: Oh yeh huh..
G: There's always a good and bad side to everything

What made us best friends, Y? I wonder. Over such a short period of time, so much has taken place but right from the beginning, I don't want this friendship of ours to go to a waste..like others. So I cannot see us not being friends anymore. And I'm so glad you're coming to the party. Miss you bff <3

Headed home at around 12ish, got home washed up & got really messed up. What the hell is wrong with me. Ugh this is gonna get better, I believe. Ciao, gonna go watch 90210 now & update l8t tonight :)