Saturday, February 28, 2009

Loving you has made me so scandalously beautiful

Happy birthday, Javier ^^
May all your wishes & dreams come true. I hope you are doing well!

The day at home was spent very meaningfully. I did a few things, cleared my mail, packed my drawers, rearranged my closet, cleared my bedside table, cleaned the psp and dslr, rearranged my folders and managed to download two movies :)

I always say how messy my bedside table is but I've never showed you guys how messy it exactly is. I snapped a shot of it a day ago 'cos it was truly disastrous.

This is not the worst! I have had messier ones, seriously. I cannot stand my table being so messy. Mom's really neat and she kinda make us practise being neat and tidy as well. I am not as neat as she is or she hope that I would be but just a little bit? At least the table looks better now. Changed the awful phone, things laying on the desk cleared, nothing hanging except my bangles & bed sheet changed! Looks so, so much better now. I feel like my table can breathe hahaha

Other than just packing up, I spent the whole time shopping online & ended up getting really pissed off. Because 1) Nothing caught my eye 2) Even if it did, it is either sold/don't fit/didn't like it enough to buy it/not worth the price. This sucks. Sucks to be me! :( I really wanna buy something but what the fuuuuuck

I like the kind of love that Derek and Meredith have for each other, the love they share. George's dad passed away in the previous episode and I cried like mad. Whenever I watch movies or television shows, I put myself into that character and feel how they feel. I cannot imagine having to put my dad to sleep. Even if I never had much to talk to him about but he is my dad and I've been sticking with him for so long and he watched me grow. It was so painful to watch George that way. He was never that yelling, angry & mean kind of person but being desperate to save his dad changed him. I could see the pain in her eyes whenever Meredith sees Thatcher (whom she calls ex-father) or his family. I know I talk about the show very often & I am very very affected by the show. You just have to watch it to understand why am I so affected. Ok truth be told, I am emotional. Maybe that is why I get so affected.

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

--- Grey's Anatomy

Before I end this post, I must must must reply the comments first!

Bff: I swear you're the meanest breast flen anyone can ever have. PEACH we need to shop okay I'm dying!! Being in this budget plan of ours for so (ok not very long but before that I am already on budget just not $5) long, it is worse than not having sex for years! I cannot take it anymore. Online cannot find, must go offline already! Thrift store & far east next week oki i dunch care one day no budget k hahahaha
SA: After your comment about how I should not dread my weekends, I actually felt a lot better. A book, a cup of coffee sitting by myself is really good. I've not done that in a long while, you reminded me! And yknow, don't feel bad because your comments are always so..nice?? They cheer me up most of the time. I just need to be positive like you hahah! And having to know that someone would be there for me is good enough. Thank you thank you thank you =)
Pearl: YAY I AM FOLLOWING YOU ON BLOGGER NOW ^^ Haha it's a waterproof camera! I am moreeee jealous of yours ok fisheye!!!!!!!
Anon: I use Photoshop most of the time :)
Anon: Oh it's around my area. I took it with the waterproof camera as seen in the previous post! You can get it online or in Pandora's Box at Far East Plaza :)

Hm, what day is tomorrow??

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Love is supposed to be this bad, make you cry stupid shady sad

She called and said, "Hello, baby, are you ok? I read your blog and you said baby where are you. I am here, baby."

I love you. A lot. So so much. But right now, I'm missing you so fucking much that it's making me cry. Yeh I know, what a fucktard I am. I just wish you were here..just be here, it'd be good enough. So the tears will stop & I'll let you do the job of putting the smile on my face again. I miss long walks with you. Heart to heart talks with you. Making plans with you. Shopping with you, window or not. Enjoying my favourite food with you, enjoying your favourite food with you. Sharing my childhood adventures with you. Playing games with you. Snuggling up in bed with you. Watching movies with you. Spending all weekend with you. Exploring good food and good places with you. Long bus rides with you. Taking photos with you. Sleeping in your bed with you. I just miss..being with you.

x x x

I saw Meredith sleeping then I remember that I forgot to mention I dreamed of "bad things come in pairs" last night. Strange dream I had. It was just..weird. Especially having her in my dreams. Or should I say..nightmare? No I'll stick to dream instead. I know I've been better. But I cannot stop calling you names for what you did to me. I'm constantly reminded of the pain, the hurt, the things you said, the things they said, the things I heard and the actions and occasional winks across the room that you both did. You said they were fucked up. Naive was I to believe that you wouldn't fuck me up that way. But eventually..eventually you still did.

One day, I will forgive you. I'm halfway through it. I know I will forgive you, despite what you did to hurt me.

Today, I thought of C & the hug. But I don't miss them anymore. One more to show that I've moved on. I guess you only think of them, feel the pain and know in your heart that you miss them when you're still holding on. I wish I was. I wish there was a possible way to bring us back all over again and correct things, make them right. I hoped for too much..way way too much.

In this place, hoping is not okay but crying is okay.

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Rush of love around my heart just as you take my hand

Feeling: Sick/under the weather/ill/unwell

This really sucks. The mood sucks. The feeling sucks. Everything sucks. Baby, where are you :( why aren't you around all the time..

So I gave school a miss and stayed in all day. 'Cept during lunchtime. I collected the photos from the second roll of film and had lunch with mom. I was craving for ban mian despite the sickness. The second roll of film got 12 photos *claps* wonderful. Improvement, no? The first roll of Fisheye film: 4. The first roll of Waterproof film: 8. The second roll of Waterproof film: 12!! But nothing was really really nice or I like :/ Hm this sucks. I was telling bff that I give up on film cameras and I suck at it. Random but I hate the smell of fertilizers.

Most photos were taken last Saturday.

Torrent is such a bitch sometimes. Some uploaders are real bitches well. I downloaded Confessions of a Shopaholic & He's Just Not That Into You twice _|_ why? 'Cos the damn video was spoilt & needed password to extract the video but the uploader did not indicate how I can get the password. Seriously!! These people really suck.

Rihanna might be pregnant.
Not surprising, seriously. Star magazine says that Rihanna thought she was pregnant with Chris Brown's baby in the days leading up to their fight, but she never told him because she thought he might react badly.  Which makes sense considering he punched her in the eye just for throwing his keys.

Tomorrow will be spent with the family over at Aunt Shirley's place. If Che isn't going down, I wouldn't wanna be there either. I kinda wanna stay home with Grey's. It's getting exciting! Mom was like, "Are you that addicted that your eyes can't leave the screen?" Haha sorry mom but I am!

I guess my body clock is getting quite used to sleeping early, I'm feeling tired already. Just check out the time now. Barely 11pm & I'm sleepy. Good sign good sign. I hope this continues. Baby's coming home soon. Real soon, I hope. I haven't got to spend time with her at all. The three main technology that keeps us together the past week is text, phone & IM. We only got a few hours to communicate. Frikkin' sad, prease. This is bad but I'm glad she will be done with this event soon. Which also means more time for us & for me ^^ Money issues would be gone with the wind but my $5 budget plan will still goes on! I have decided that it will go on even though we won't be having any troubles with money anymore but I want to because I realised that this week, I only spent $50! Which is another good sign because that means the plan worked!! One more thing, did I mention about my diet plan? Liquid + veg + fruits only diet. It is going very very well. Day 3 and I am still surviving! I'm not gonna give up, I must persevere!!

I wish you were nearhere.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm putting all your memories on the shelf 'cause I don't need you or anybody else

I know why I was moody last night and have been feeling moody ever since. Because it is PMS.

Finally some visuals.

Mac's breakfast this morning was extremely good. I don't mind waking up early for a good breakfast. Padhman's class was as usual, very boring and we were told to write a report but none of us were bothered. Bff & I was bitching & busy being gossip mongers. We were like saying, so what if some people are rich but they are not happy, what's the whole point? Why should we envy them? Some people are so popular, so famous & they seem like they lead a perfect life to you but in actual fact, they do not. No true friends, no loved ones by their side, no one there to help them through their difficult times. But we..we do. Not rich enough to splurge $10k daily but rich enough to feed ourselves with good food and new clothes to wear. Not popular, nor famous but contented this way. Shouldn't we all just learn to love & treasure?

Don't forget, there are some people out there who have to worry if they have enough food to eat tomorrow, enough money to use, clothes to wear tomorrow and all that.

During lunch break, bff left to meet M for lunch and we stayed in class 'cos we got TVRP in the noon. LKL came super early into the class and all those in the class were like :O at him when he walked in. He said he was not early but on time. (hm, right..class starts at 12.15pm and you reach at 11.45am. a tad too on time?) Shim came during break time. I feel like I haven't seen all of us together in class for a long time. Remind me when was the last time we had lunch together. Jems, myself, Shim, Zoe, Marc? And now with bff. Never. Not once. Disappointing, really. Last sem already we gotta make the best out of it :( we were given to do this assignment on radio report. We wrote about the Bugis hoax and dashed off out of class immediately after we were done with it. I just wanted to go home. It was drizzling so we walked to the train station instead of waiting for the shuttle bus.

I feel so sleepy now I just took the medicine and it caused drowsiness... PMS-ing is bad. Really bad. I can say the meanest thing to you straight in your face but don't mean it. I get agitated so very easily, I can blow up at you anytime. I get scary, so scary that I scare myself just now. I hate being in this fucked up mood :(

I managed to find out how to add subtitles to movies that I downloaded from torrent. I was damn excited about it just now but not anymore. The feeling just died off. TGIF. Honestly. TGIF even though I'm gonna spend the weekend lazing and putting on more weight by sitting around and doing nothing. I'm just glad I can finally sleep in all day :) Goodnight bunnies xx

Remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone.

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When your eyes meet mine I lose simple skills

Why am I so moody?

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

So surround me, I need anything & you're everything

I hope you fail in whatever you do. Studies, business and relationship. You'll get your damn karma okay. Just watch out. To think what a fool I am to pay and do everything then you just call off everything and lead your oh so fucking happy life. Reason being you are happier this way. Bitch, no?


Okay i was very very mad just now and being very mean. Some people, they are so selfish, they only think for themselves. I really hate it. Why can't you spare a thought for others. This is so fucked up.

I love TVRP :) but I dislike the lecturer. He's like Padhman man! Bad handwriting. It's just scribblings okay, how to read!! Seriously lecturers and teachers should go for some classes to improve their handwriting. Made muffins last night. Because I need something to distract me and also because I am really happy :) I bake when I am happy. I brought some to school for the girls to try but only Jemi and Marc came to school. Jemi said it was nice, heh heh and I gave the rest to bee. She just finished and told me it's damn nice. I am happier that it is nice. I will bring more to let bff try tomorrow!

After school, bee came to pick me :) we went to PS and had lunch at BK. We were eating damn fast because bee was running late. Yesterday with bff, I was hinting bee that I want the jacket badly. But I didn't meant to hint her, i was just kidding. I know she doesn't have the money and if she buy it for me, i will feel damn bad about it. Guess what? Today she gave me money to buy the jacket. Guilty x 32746329349834908230903 x infinity !!! I felt so bad. I kept pushing the money back to her but she insisted that I take it so I did. I took $20. Now I gotta psycho mom to fork out $25 for me and yay that fucking pretty jacket hahahaha damn happy!! Bee, I will buy you dinner (at Fish & Co?? :D) when you're done with this job kay :)
Walked bee to her workplace after lunch and I went straight home to rest and watch Grey's on a lazy rainy Wednesday afternoon. Today felt like Thursday. Why? I am not looking forward to the weekends. In fact, I dread it. I really do. The first time in a while I'd not be going anywhere this weekend. Just staying home with my part-time girlfriend, Grey's Anatomy.

I wanted to change the colour of my denim shorts but I brought the receipt out without the shorts -.- how dumb can i fucking get seriously! I was still reminding myself to put the shorts into my bag and I forgot. Omg genius.

Anyway I will be having Mac's breakfast tomorrow morning with bff!! :D Gonna ta bao to class hahah we're gonna take 153 yay! Am gonna call bee now before she goes to bed OK BAIIII <3

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Without you here there is less to say

I still want Mac's breakfast

After school today, I had Long John for lunch with Shimmy at PS. We both had crazy potatoes haha not hungry at all it's good!! Eat less, workout more :D We went to shop around and Shimmy got a black denim skirt, and I got a denim shorts. Both from Cotton On. Only $15 each!!

Ok I over spent my budget fof $5 today. I only spent $3.75 on lunch but spent another $15 on a pair of shorts that I've eyeing for a long long time. Worth it? :/ OK WHATEVER I AM HAPPY AO IT IS DEFINITELY WORTH IT

Believe it or not, I have not stepped into Diva for a few months already!!! Quite an achievement :) HAHAHA if I walk in I will definitely buy something. Hahah no way no way no way I am saving money saving money saving money!

Moving on, Shimmy left to meet boyfriend while bee called to say that she got an hour lunch break so I met her at Yoshinoya to accompany her :) Bff came to meet us and bee went off back to work after lunch. We went to buy black and white films! We thought it was a wasted trip but thank God, bff spotted it before we left :D It was raining very heavily so we waited for a while before we went back home.

Taken on 20th Feb :)

How long more before I get another day like these with you? Movies, webcam fun, my favourite Yanyan and cuddling in bed. It is only the fucking second day. No, I have to keep a positive attitude. It is 12 more days to go before you are off from hell!

An hour with you feels like 5 minutes. It is not enough but I sure am contented for that hour, even if it's just watching you eat and rant about your colleagues. After getting together, it feels like the love is stronger. I appreciate you more, treasure you better and you do the same. We used to lead our lives in the very awfully mundane way but now, we do not. Everyday you have something surprisingly sweet to say to me, which is very, pretty much unexpected from you.

I love you, every part of you.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

I know you're busy, but please won't you come visit me?

School was awfully boring. "One more second in this lecture room I will die. I really will!" I cannot take it, I swear. Padhman is soon to be on my hate list. Handwriting sucks, very nice cursive penmanship but super small. Omg I am not blind but if I squint my eyes to read what he wrote on the board, I will soon go blind. And he mumbles. A lot. Actually, he does it ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Like oh thanks 'cher I am supposed to know watcha talkin' about huh!?

Dear Padhman,

Stop being so monotone, speak with your mouth open and write a bit bigger. We will all love you a little bitty more.

Annoyed girls at the back of the class

After school we cabbed down to Anchorpoint and had Thai food! Two weeks in a row, bff & I had Thai food but this time Jems was with us :) Jems took a bus home from another bus stop while bff & I took 64 down to Dhoby Ghaut.

Hehe it was raining so I suggested that we stay in PS before we go anywhere with no shelter and we wouldn't be able to leave and all that. I do not want to get drenched! Heh then we went to visit the love of my life. Omgosh very poor thing :( :( she was sitting on the floor, folding the shirts and putting tags in them. I felt the pinch. The 'why am I not a rich fuck so I can pay her school fees and our expenses' pinch. The 'I wish I was the one working in her place' pinch. The 'she is suffering & I do not like that, I wish it was me' pinch. It was just painful.

Walked around and bought some stuff from Daiso. Went to visit bee again before we head home :) I like spending time like this. After school, lunch window shop or just plain sitting at the cafe enjoying the afternoon and all that. We were tired, I swear we were but I was happy. Sank bff :) Mac's tomorrow morning??? Hahaha

Got home, showered, changed and watched Grey's. I intend to start sleeping early. I was thinking to myself, why must I only watch Grey's in the middle of the night & Grey's is not gonna run away it is on the net for so long it won't run away!! So I have decided. I will not nap in the noon as much as I would love to 'cos I am not a nap person but I want to be, don't ask me why. I will just watch shows and do whatever shit I need to and until about 11ish I will pack my things and go to bed. Sounds like a great plan. Let's see if it works tonight!

I'm glad the first day at work for you went well. Cannot wait to see you tomorrow. Just seeing you is good enough..I mean, better if we can talk or just a hug (which I really need one right now after all that sweet talking from you). Have fun at work tomorrow babybumblebee ^^

P/s: This blog needs some visuals omg so borling leh

This is me signing out <3

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Tried letting go but you're still the only one that feels like home

I still wonder why you didn't came up to me and start your usual nonsense, yelling your throat out to fight for what you love and what you think is right. Or..apologise for the wrong things done, for the wrong diction and the empty promises.

This thing between us? We're done here. It sure is done and finished. I do not think of you the way I used to. But I know somehow you meant a lot to me at one point of time but things you did or said contradicted each other & really made me doubt about you. Since then my heart doesn't lighten at the sight of you. Instead, it gets heavier and heavier.

If you ever want to say you're sorry, you can give me a call.

Bff, thanks for being there throughout bad times and also sharing my joy :) thank you is not enough to show my gratitude. Know that I will be there for you just like how you did for me, anytime. Love xx

J, I love you, yknow. Good luck on the first day of work! xoxo

Ok skoolz now baiiiiii

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

All I want, at least right now, is to be close to you

Aren't I glad that we both dream of each other once in every while. :)

I was still up at 5am, watching Grey's. Addicted, am I not!? This has got no cure, I am so dead :( But I'm quite tired today so I will sleep early to get ready for school tomorrow. 8.30am class sucks I swear.

Rainy Sunday was spent with the family. Went Hougang Mall to have later lunch. I only woke up at 1am so we had lunch really later. More like lunch cum dinner. Bought two shorts from Cotton On :D Yay more shorts for school! I was telling bee that I really need shorts and clothes for school tsk tsk so many clothes in my closet but I don't know what to wear!

When we came home I spen the entire evening playing Sims. Guess what's the name of my sims? Meredith Grey. I sure am addicted huh.

Taken on 12 February @ Tiong Bahru

Saturday was nothing but quality time with the girlfriend around my area. We had lunch at Mos & walked from Compass Point to Rivervale Mall. I was thinking where else I can bring her to to show her around but I couldn't think of any place :( Now that I know the park near the expressway is done 'cos I saw people jogging and kids cycling there yesterday on the way to dinner. I will definitely bring bee there :D

Hm, we went Rivervale Mall and bought cheap tees! I asked her to buy two and try first. If it's comfy haha I will buy heh heh. We went into this kiddy store and I was looking for a Elmo water bottle that I can bring to school but no have :( maybe I will get the small red Nike one. Now that I think back, I've wasted a lot on mineral water. Dammit could've save it up for rainy days like these! After that we walked back to Compass Point to develop some photos :) Bee walked me home and she went to take the bus.

Relatives were over at my place. Jenae learned a lot of things! She's finally starting to walk bit by bit. And she learned to say a lot of things. Super adorable. We went for dinner at Huat Kee Teochew Restaurant. The whole family was present this time. Ah, nice :) We took family picca again haha yay! After dinner we went to Chinatown Point for ice-cream at Swensen's :) Photos are in the memory card, I've yet to upload them. Photo spamz another time!! But for now it's comment replies then Grey's. Goodnight all :)

Bff: Whatever peach! Sivam cute what hor? 'Cos he eat alone and he's vegetarian ^^ KNN you always wanna zi siao me about my blog or what I say or J, I swear you peach I will zi siao you about meowww or sivam. You just love him ok, especially his vest. Whoohoo cool yo! See you tomorrow, sucks to be your bff (L) HAHAHAH
SA: I don't know what to tell you sometimes. Your comments always make me feel so..cared and concerned for. There is someone out there whom I barely know of who cares truly. This is crazy but amazing at the same time. I'm always thanking for the things you say that comfort me in a way or two but really, I'm quite thankful that there is someone like you who is willing to be here for me. The me that you hardly know of, the me that you only know this much about through my blog. And truly, I hope you find someone who would love you better than the way I love J & be the perfect couple around :) Lots of love goes out to you!
Anon: For SA to reply!
Anon: Are you Varron!? Hahaha sure ask from me when you're online okay!
Anon: Thank you! hehe :}
Eve: Hahaha thank you babe! :)
Sonia: It sure is :) Thank you!
Anon: Aww so sweet of you, thanks! =)

"Could I really have this?"
"What, precisely?"
"Me, how?"
"This life with you."

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I wanna hold you baby, right or wrong

I know we may not be the best or perfect couples around. We fight, we argue but before the day ends, we kiss and make up, apologise for the wrong diction that hurt either one of us or being harsh, rude and giving attitude. We are like every imperfect couples out there. But what made us unique is not the similarity in gender, us walking into the same restroom together or how often we've used both the A and F word in our conversations or little sweet talks here and there. It is our love, the chemistry & passion that makes us stand out.

Whenever you are not around, you are still here in my thoughts as it has always been. For the next two weeks, you being physically near me would probably be less than 24 hours but you know I am with you all the time. Wherever I may be, busy or not, always know you have me. Two weeks sounds long and the first thing that hit me was being without you for a week was hardly possible, much less two weeks and also missing our 21st anniversary celebration. Being the usual negative self, I don't think I could survive through that two weeks & I was very upset about missing our anniversary since I already had something planned. But thank God for the phone calls, text messages and instant messaging. We'll rely a lot on the three greatest inventory for next fourteen days. Not forgetting, time flies. Fourteen days would be up before we knew it. And our anniversary. You promised you would accompany me whenever I need you to after two weeks and we'll have a post-anniversary celebration :)

Just know that I am happy being miserable with you.

Not about being miserable or drowning ourselves in this misery but the whole point is we are going through this together and for me, it is you that I am going through this with. And that..that makes it all worthwhile. You make these painful days endurable, you also made me realise that we can live off a simple life like that as well. Simple lunches & dinners at food courts or hawker centers, whole afternoon of window shopping, walking around aimlessly around the heartland areas or just sitting at a fast food restaurant enjoying each others company. We talk less about high end things and maybe occasionally how we want certain things but more about how we should save up for future raining but happy days.

In our 21 months long relationship, the happiest time I ever had with you and you alone is Valentine's day 2009. And I look forward to more happy and happier times with you.

I love you J. You're my everything, my what's happening.
Our first and last separation made me realise that no one will ever be able to replace you in your place. I'm gonna stickwitu forever xx

P/s: Calling to just say 'I love you' is the cutest thing you have ever done in the longest time. You know I love you too, needless to say ♥

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Friday, February 20, 2009

I love you more today than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow

Happy birthday Zaeron!
Happy birthday Shawn!
Happy birthday Denise!
May all your wishes and dreams come true. Love xx

And happy third month anniversary to S & LH :) :)

"Kindly spread the news to your friends. If possible, do not go Bugis these few days. Terrorists may plan bombs around that area. This message was forwarded from my friend's army friend who said they're already on 24 hours standby. Not sure how true but a friend was at Bugis today and there were really many policemen..."

Ban, please avoid going down to Bugis okay!! :( I do not want anything bad to happen to you!
And to all of you, please avoid going down to Bugis! Spread this to your friends or post it in your blog/facebook/friendster/your face

And I am the worst student ever. I skipped class again today. Long stupid story. I was done but I was very carried away doing my own packing and cleaning up that I forgot the time and Shim also took her own sweet time to get ready (don't put the blame on her 'cos I told her to). By the time we are both ready and set to go it was already 11.15am and class ends at 11.30am. Which is pointless to go down as you can tell so we..dropped it. AH I FEEL SO BAD OK I SHOULD ATTEND CLASS NO MATTER HOW SORE MY BODY IS ACHING AND HOW HORRIBLE MY COUGHS ARE. I SHOULD NOT BE PACKING MY THINGS!!!?

Ok I admit I was playing Sims for awhile. :x Got too carried away dammit I promise next week it will be full attendance. If I don't get fever/migraine/aches/sores.

And I also scanned the toy cam photos hehe ^^

Turned out exactly the way I want it to be
Dustbunnyvintage ^^
(Eh shim, free advertorial ahhaha)
Gucci bags fer uu mdm?

NICE NOT NICE NOT!?!! Nice righttttt hahaha not bad my first roll of film, not bad huh only got 8. The other time the fisheye roll I only got 4! Got improvement neh. I didn't edit the photos la all the edges and all that. I will do it tomorrow when I'm not dead

I've found a spree organiser who organises only toy/film camera & film sprees! All the cutsie stuff! I'm gonna buy one toycam next month after I get my allowance and a bit of shopping!! The suffer through this $5 budget daily plan of ours is going to be worthwhile 'cos in March I will start shopping like no tomorrow!!

Met bee for a lazy stay-in Friday as planned :) We had KFC for lunch at Bukit Panjang Plaza before heading to her place. On the way to her place, I was reading Eclipse ('cos bff read later than me but she's at Breaking Dawn already sibei buay song so I must chiong chiong chiong) and falling asleep at the same time. Super duper sleepy I tell you! After lunch we went to her crib and we watched Sex Drive! Super boring and sexual and ok not very disgusting. I downloaded the uncensored version via utorrent. Very clear, very good heh heh heh! I shall look for more movies that I wanted to watch but didn't get a chance to to download :D

Photos is with bee but she went to bed already. I think I'll be going over to her place tomorrow. I will zip it and send over so I can put it up here tomorrow oteh oteh oteh (: tomorrow we'll be going to her old house area to take photos! She said the area there is quite rundown and old so we are going there to take photos. :D hopefully I will be able to change mom's mind tomorrow about me going out while she stays home to entertain my relatives.. :(

Bee found a temporary job at Plaza Singapura. For two weeks straight, paid $5 hourly, 1pm to 10pm. I am really happy for her. We've been flipping newspapers and searching online for a job but nothing suit her and none interests me either. At least she got a job now, she need not worry much about school fees. Hm I foresee happier days :)
But because of this temp job, we won't be seeing each other for two weeks which means we won't be celebrating our 21st together :( which also means my surprise for her is ruined thoroughly!! Sigh..gotta think of another plan then.

P/s: If the post don't make sense to you, seriously I am very super sleepy. Typing with my eyes half closed hahaha

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

I hope you're as happy as you're pretending

These sadness crossed my mind and is here to stay.
Well, not anymore!
I wanted to blog last night but I kept staring at the blank text box, I don't know what to blog about at all. I only got that sentence down and blank, so I gave up.
Anyway, I felt a lot better after bee called :) she always make me feel a lot better heh heh

Yesterday was super crazy day with my stupid bff. We had a bad bad night to be honest but being out with each other kinda make us feel better. Right bff? (You better agree ok) class was boring as hell but I love Mr Sivam 'cos "he is vegetarian yknow and he eats alone!! so cute right!!" as I quoted bff :) :) :) HAHAHAHA SHE IS GOING "EH PEACH KNN" ME AFTER SHE READS THIS HAHAHA

After class we went off to Far East. Zoe was like on a shopping spree, seriously! Never let her have too much cash on hand else she goes crazy. Confiscate her atm card well, omg siao gin na. She bought a cutsie dress (bloody cute it's on sale on one of the blogshops..I think A Girl's Label? I don't know), a Hermes-inspired bracelet and a fucking nice black cropped biker jacket that I want. Peachhh you better wear it to school and let me have it for three hours okay!!!!!! Fuck it if only I got $50 to spare now :(

Zoe went off to meet her mom for groceries shopping while bff and I went to have chickie lice! :D Ok chicken rice. Berri nice chickie lice! We were so hungry before that and after the meal we were bloated to the brim hahaha. We went to "catwalk" around the whole fep. Sat near the fountain for awhile before we too bus to DG. Bff went crazy okay we couldn't stop laughing at everything and anything because we were both very very tired and full hahaha need sleep and free ride home.

Our new tagline/slogan: sucks to be me/you/us/her/them/whatever, just fill it in yourself

I'm glad I'm seeing you 4x next week bff ^^ it means more window shopping which you call catwalking & more bitchings about people by using their url & our thrift store trip!! And picnic. And karaoke. And good food. And more $5 budget days with you. I luv <3 Thanks bff :)
x  x  x

Today's our lazy cum shorts day but I overslept cheeeeeebs :( so I didn't make it. I was coughing like hell omg and I really want Nurtella on my white bread but I can't :( :( my throat is a killerrrrrr

Anyway I had lunch with mom at Long John Silver & we shared a meal. Stupid birds kept flying into the fast food restaurant wtf man!!!!! Thanks to the little boy on the next table, he kept running to chase the bird out else I'd freak out at least a few times hahaha.

I stayed in to play Sims and nothing else. Good day good day.

Thanks Zoe :}

I realised I've got a lot of random photos in my Bluetooth folder in the laptop. Tsk. I went to collect the photos from the shop today & dammit, only 8 were developed! The rest were overexposed :( But the 8 is like damn nice damn nice damn nice. Mostly pictures of bee's fat face hahaha. I will scan them tomorrow and post it up heh heh

I'm gonna watch Grey's now it's getting damn exciting I must not miss it!! After that I will take medicine and go to bed. I must sleep early!!!

SA: Thanks :) Are you gonna reveal your identity yet hahahaha
Eve: Thank you ^^
Varron: Aw thanks. You just made me smile haha aren't you glad!! Hahaha
Anonymous: Thank you! But yeh things are getting a little better :) Oh I got them mostly from deviantART, flickr or Photobucket!

Look down at your chest & a little to the left.
That's where I'll always be.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town & kiss you on the mouth

Mom, i had enough. i am sorry i am not as capable as you want me to be, not as smart as the way she is, not a good sister as the way she is, not as pretty as the way she can be. i am not in any way jealous of her, to be downright honest. i am not envious either. we had this talk for a million and oneth time but you just wouldn't let it into your head that we are all fucking different. we have our own individual differences and we are special and talented in our own ways. this probably isn't the way you want me to be but mom, i am who i am.
at the age of 19, i've never smoked. i've never slept around. i've never been through an abortion. i've never fucked a guy or let a guy fuck me. i never had one night stands and contagious kisses. i never had a proper boyfriend, excluding the girlfriends you know of. i never gave you huge ass problems. i never went to girls' home. i never commited a crime. i was never in probation. i was never a problem kid. other than all of these that most parents would ask for in their child, what do you want from me? to be able to earn my own income, to be as pretty as the way she is, to be as smart as the way she is, to have a boyfriend whom you also agreed that is ugly like her, to be a fucking ah lian, to own an online boutique that sells ugly aunty ah lian clothes. that is what you ask of me, right mom? i'm sorry but that is not me. i am not like that. i am not an ah lian, i am not that material, and i cannot have a boyfriend whom i think is ugly and you also agree with me. i can earn my own income, it is whether i want to or not but you also mentioned to me that you do not want me to juggle between both school and work because you know i cannot manage which is true. i am not pretty like her because she uses at least an inch thick of make up on her face and her lashes are falsies. you know i believe in natural beauty, inner beauty that everyone has and i put on mineral make up, falsies only on special occasions or when i feel like it. i can never be like her because we are two different people and i do not want to be like her.
have you not realised that she's always telling you about how her daughter is so and so, doing this and that? mom, she wants to show you that she has a good daughter and also to show you her daughter is so capable, and that she is happy and all. she is proud of her own daughter. but..are you? i know you are not proud of me, you are not proud of us. i know you'd ask, what is there to be proud of? i may not have done as much as she did to make her mom proud to make you proud but i did things that i was supposed to do and i did not do more than that. i have a passion, i have an interest, i have something that i love so much, i have a lot more of what she didn't have. i was a ballerina, a pianist, a percussionist, a writer, a tuition teacher & a good listener. there's a lot more that i am but i cannot think of right now, i am just bursting with emotions to spill. but all in all, i can say i am relatively good daughter.
well, the main point of typing this out is..sigh mom, stop expecting so much of me. the more you expect of me, the more i keep fighting to get what you want and be who/what you want me to be, the lesser you see of me as myself. and i do not want that to happen. i like who i am. i like the happy pill that people love to see, and when they see me, they feel happy too. i like being glynis. i like making people happy, even if it means making me unhappy. and that is why i keep fighting to keep you as happy as you can be, mom.
but right now, i cannot go on anymore.
i am very exhausted.

know what? i am not tearing. i am not crying either. i am very calm. is it that i've sorted out my thoughts or is it that i have given up?

sorry, i had enough i just had to let it out.
blog later when i'm feeling better.

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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I know I love you like the million times I never said

Feel better bff, i luv you and i is here for you.
Glynis jiejie will always be there for you :)

clicnic in the morning
bee came to accompany me
me reading eclipse, she playing my gta
i really suck at that game :(
waited for so long only to realise that we were at the wrong place
sorry bee i am just so blur!
they fucking announced my name over the PA system please omg so embarrassing!
spent like $17 fuck man it's adult price but never mind I got MC :D
after that we went to have lunch at the food court
yummy ban mian reminds me of ban <3
went to look for some stuff
found the red earpiece i wanted!! but no money to buy :(
when i got home, mom said, "eh why? the medicine buy one get one free ah why so many!"
i got three bottles of syrup and 3 packs of pills
eat die me
popped the pills, watched grey's and fell asleep

had hot and sour soup for dinner, berry yummy
but my throat was like burning blahhh
talking to bee, bff, A and yawei
after this i will take medicine, watch greys and go to bed hahah

hm where shall we go tomorrow? we need to fix bff's bloody specs so shim can stop staring at them, also to go temple to pray 'cos bff thinks she's down with super bad luck lately. ok time to crack my head what to wear and where to go tomorrow goodnight!

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