Saturday, January 31, 2009

Forget the things we swore we meant

(Ignore the whole part if you're not interested to know about someone's ugly deeds)
The truth. It has finally seen light.

Today was supposed to be a very happy day for me. But it all turned out really bad. Can't believe I still cried so hard. Tiong Bahru is the place that the four of us were seen crying at, ha ha ha not fun okay.

I hate to be hidden in the dark. It's horrible being me now. But girls, I'm thankful, for telling me everything that I have to know. And I'm sorry, for throwing my temper and flaring up in the midst of nowhere..I guess you should know by now I really hate lies, liars and their whole not being able to tell the effing truth issue. Anyway I love y'all <3 The whole 'don't tell Glynis' shit has to stop. I'm hearing too much lies. I had enough. I am quite exseparated, I need to breathe.

I was made the biggest fucking fool. Thank you. Thanks a lot. Now I'm wondering what is it that you said was the truth, which part is not. The part about the chase, about being a monk (no one would joke at that point of time ok it was fucking serious), about being appreciative was a fucking lie. The part about dating someone else was the only truth, huh? Prove me wrong.

Do you actually expect me to wait for you, while you around looking for something else to divert your attention to before you come and think that 'hey yeh I think now it's the time'? Have I not been here for long enough? Am I not always here? I have always been here. I heard so much about 'yknow he's trying, give him some time, it'll be all good' & yada yada yada...time after time I was told I should let you be, leave you as the way you are & one day when your wires just happen to connect back to normal, you'll come and be yourself again.

And you do not fucking push the blame to me. You do not fucking do that. If you want me to say everything, every single thing, the whole entire fucking story, I will. In details. This is where my amazing cannot-forget memory comes in handy. Honesty is the best fucking policy, haven't you heard?

Karma will hit you right back. Stab you in your anal and you get it big time. It'll hurt you twice as fucking much as it is hurting me now. You just wait. You'll get yours okay.

Remember I told you about this someone whom I used to date, how badly she used to use and aduse me, how bad it all was & how things ended between us? From what I know, she is still single. It's been almost three years since she last got into a proper relationship. Even she agreed that it was karma, and it was because of what she did to me.

I'm very calm now. I said all that out of anger. And people say you say things you meant deep down in your heart when you're angry. I don't know. I kinda wish what I learned today was a damn joke, or it was a long dream that I had. But no smoke, no disappearing, no opening my eyes and see the sun shining....never mind I will continue blogging

x x x

Long John @ Tiong for quick lunch, short cry, ranting session
Gemstones headband from Charmeleon
Free flow of vulgurities
22, Boon Keng - Interview for Shim, mom & dad came to pick me
Bainian @ Aunt Doris's place
Dying for my own room
Couldn't stop pestering mama about it

Cannot stop annoying bff ^^
I love you bff, ai si ni 184 1314

I got an anonymous letter in the mailbox today. I was freaked out. No names, no initials, no note, no letter, no nothing. It contained two movie vouchers. I really wonder who was the one who sent this. I cannot recognise the handwriting either! I do not remember anyone I know of with such handwriting...

Weird much?

It'd be nice if you let me who are you. :)
I really wanna know who & I've got my ways to. Heh heh heh I went to call GV but to no avail as they were closed for the day. I will call them again on Monday. Die die must find out! I was telling A I think it's the #1 bitch but she don't have my address, neither does anyone around her.. but then again, why would she be so nice since she's made #1 bitch in all of our minds?

Today, didn't get to see you, smell you & feel your presence. (Angry :@ + Upset :/ + Disappointed :(( + Bo bian :|) x 236938472289473 !!!! Miss you miss you miss you miss youuuuuuuu sigh

Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel for coffee + supper for now, be back later! I will blog again later la I guess I bet this coffee + supper will be more like gossip + suffer.

P/s: I think my attempt to do up Audrey Hepburn's hair = failed :(

Secret admirer: Okay, do you know my friends then? Or do any one of my friends know you? Really curious to know who you are! Email me if you are not comfortable revealing your identity here alright :) Oh ok, happy reading then! <3

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I love you to the point you can no longer take

Tonight, despite the amount of information I have to squeeze into my head, I am really happy. I cannot contain the happiness in me for long, I feel like I am going burst.

"Can you feel that I am sitting next to you right now?"
"Can you feel that someone is sitting next to you"
"and looking at you?"
I really wish you were here.

At least I know you really care, despite of all the =.=" you do on msn. I am happy la okay. I will do my paper properly, I will do it well. For you I will for you I will for you I will for you I will for you I will xx

I am so happy I am seeing you soon. Even though it's for awhile, just a quick meet up. If it's for only 5-10 minutes, I'd still be this happy. When you asked if you can come and pick me, I was (I know I said I would use profanities less but I have to!) fucking overjoyed. I was smiling like a fucktard fool.

If I could tell you one thing, I guess it would be that I love hearing your voice & that your smile just happens to brighten my day. I'm glad you call once in a while (better than no calls!) and your smile is implanted in my mind.

And.. I'm not dateless on Vday anymore :) ^^ teehee

I love you so much.

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Friday, January 30, 2009

I want you around when it falls into place with you & I

I'm very tired. I still have to study for tomorrow's Econs paper. I'm so gonna fail, I'm prepared to. Just fuck it man.

Bainian at Aunt Shirley's place
Jenae getting cuter and cuter
Photos with Zel
Mouth exercise like non-stop hits: eat, talk, drink tsktsk
Watched telly and studied the whole day
Late night coffee with mom & dad at Buangkok
Went NTUC and bought ice-cream
Bumped into A
Thought of ______ & also ___
Directed my attention to something else immediately
Home, showered & did my hair (yay prettier tomorrow)
Jemi's very cute text came to wish us all pass with frying colours for tomorrow's paper (luv u crazy)
Very tired I wanna sleep now
A lot of Econs stuff in my head

Show you something cute ok

Husband's gift for wife's birthday
(Credits: woohome)

Me also want *hinthint* :) Me want D60.
Eh the cake looks a bit..hmm weird from the top view huh? Never mind, still cute. I still want.

I don't want my ang bao collection to end before the new year end :( I want some more ang bao so I can buy things and go on ignore-the-price-tag spree! And depressing. VDAY IS HERE IN 15 DAYS' TIME KILL ME NOW KILL ME NOW KILL ME NOWWWWWWWWW

Ok Econs time. Opportunity cost, price elasticity, monopolistic, supply and demand curve. OK BYE!

Secret admirer: Thank you! I know I definitely deserve better :) Do I know you?

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I wouldn't trade anything, you're still my everything

I'm glad you asked about it. I'm glad you asked because you're curious and concerned. I'm glad I still managed to stay calm and told you what exactly happened. I'm glad I cleared the air. I'm glad I finally told you everything tonight. I'm glad when I asked, "Do you want me to hang up then?", your reply was, "No la, it's okay we can still talk". I'm glad we've been on the phone since 11pm & we're still talking.

I'm glad this horrifying nightmare is finally over.
I'm glad you're still here.

I love you :)

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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Feel free to kiss me on the cheek even though I'd prefer the lips

I definitely will be happier than a bird with a french fry from today onwards. I'm done with being mad, I'm pretty much a very forgiving person. Apology works but not all the time, usually works on the first time.

I'm getting quite sick of visiting. I just wanna stay home, be in comfortable home clothes and study all day. Other than being able to dress up and wear new clothes, nothing that I fancy from visiting. It's quite boring sometimes. I've to go bainian tomorrow :[ Ugh again on Saturday, omg. But Saturday I've got Econs paper 10 fucking am in the morning. On a lighter note, Saturday we're having late night coffee at some random coffee house, whee! Come Sunday, it's our family day. We've planned to watch two movies on that day!!

Topshop private event was great. Free flow of Tiger beer (which I really dislike), snacks from some random hotel that we totally missed, DJ Sassy all tall and pretty, photos taken & printed, up to 65% discount but we found nothing pleasing to the eye. Ben & Jerry's yummy ice-cream, toilet cleaner singing qi ge long tong qiang tong qiang loudly in the toilet, Malay couple quarreling loudly by the sea, bumped into two ex-schoolmates on the train home, walked the ultra long way back home to spend more time talking.

I'm busy, on the phone, entertaining the crazy one who forgot to take her towel to shower and is stucked in the toilet. Tsk tsk.. I'll put up the photos in tomorrow's post. Grey's & PSP later hehehe GTA is bloody fun okay with all the killing and running people down hahaha!

Happy 20th ♥
I'll be you winter coat buttoned & zipped straight to the throat with the collar up so you won't catch a cold :) Luv u x

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Remind me why we decided this was for the best

For the best. Define, my friend.

For the best: for the good as the final result; to an ultimate advantage

So this was best to you? Being a great liar, doing the whole keep-it-low thing?

Whoa whoa whoa shocked that I found out? Isn't this what you wanted? You knew this was coming. Right from the start when you wanted this, you had to see this coming. I knew you never liked this but I had to.

When Z told me that she saw you both together, shoulders to shoulders at 11pm that night, my mind went blank. I trusted you, you never knew how much trust I put in you. When she told me the sight of her caused you both to stand one arm's length away from each other, thoughts in my head? "I was right, my guess was right, everyone's guess was right. You proved them right instead."

Filling up all the loopholes now, your actions, your ways & what you told me, they all contradict each other. You pretended like you cared. Genuinely. Which really sucked ok 'cos I trust you so naturally I would think that yeh you are, yknow so I shouldn't be mean and care for you too. Hah hah hah Glynis you're such a joke, fucking joke of the year.

And I hate liars. Especially those who lied to me. I hope they'd burn in hell.

And you. I thought you were different because you were honest with me all the time. Hah, to think I was dumb enough to trust you so fucking much. You are no different from the rest. _|_

Your Supergirl. HAHAHA JOKE MOTHERFUCKERS! I even told A, your place in my heart will never ever be replaced no matter how far we've drifted apart, no matter how much distance there is between us. And love for you will always always stay. Be it us being friends, good friends, close friends or even just hi-bye friends. My love for you will always stay. And now? I don't know. I can't say I feel the same anymore. I can't even think of you. The thought of you and what you said to me and all your actions makes my head hurt so bad.

Do not. I mean, DO NOT try to talk to me. I am not going to listen, neither am I gonna "relax lah" or "chill lah" okay. I am not in the mood for your nonsense & childish games right now.

I'm fucking proud of myself that I am not tearing, not wailing, not crying over this. I am actually okay, seeing her in that fucked up photo and having the loopholes filled up.

P/s: Z beb I'm glad you told me the truth. Thanks for listening to me, luv u <3
P/p/s: The mood for the Topshop's event didn't die, so glad I am still going to enjoy myself. Hmph!
P/p/p/s: I might delete this post after all, when I feel better. I don't know. I might keep it here to remind someone :)

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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm sorry about the phone call, & needing you

Sometimes you have to be
strong for yourself. You have
to know that you're a good
person & a good friend.
What's meant to be will end
up good & what's not - won't.
Love is worth fighting for, but
sometimes you can't be the
only one fighting. At times,
people need to fight for you.

If they don't, you just have
to move on & realize what
you gave them was more
than they were willing to
give you.
Hopefully, people
realize great things when
they come around. And don't
lose something real. Always fight,
until you can't anymore,
and then be fought for.

I did revision and wrote notes for HMC today. I was in all day with the horribly humid weather and scotching sun shining right into the room. Heat was felt all over, no matter which part of the house I was in. But I was happy with myself for writing so much & I am glad I went for most classes and I wrote notes. Most of the questions and topics for the exam is what he told us to write down. Thank God.

Merl came over in the afternoon to bainian :) She stayed until 10ish and we sent her home. We planned to go Godma Sue's place on Saturday to bainian. She was telling me about her big night out with Joyce & she had a lot to drink. Mostly shots. Makes me hungry for them :| I've been dying for a lychee martini. *hintcoughshint*

I downloaded Time Crisis, Metal Slug X, Resident's Evil & Crash Team Racing today!! :D All was done by 8pm, I started at about 1ish. Fast huh!! Much thanks to my hard disk else no space in the desktop man. Loco Roco 2 is damn fun la okay hahah I cannot stop playing. I ditched the dslite already hahaha.

I was the one snatching my hand away & making us masquerade as friends. So why am I the only one trying to hold it together now? It's like chasing smoke, and it's escaping through my fingers. I made us secret, so now maybe I'm just grabbing at something that was never really there.

I'll never understand why God allows certain people into our lives, fully knowing they're not going to stay. Now I'm scared of anyone who walks into my life.

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This is the closest I've come to touching you the way I want

It is worthwhile, that's why I'm in this battle for you. Every scar I get from this battle would remind me what I went through for you. It is worth it. I know it is.

Yknow when you asked me out, with hesitation, "Er...wanna go for movies?" I was thinking what made you hesitate. Is it my answer, for the fear of rejection? Or is it because you think I do not want to go out with you?

And whenever you asks me to hang out with you, anytime any day anywhere, it will be a definite yes without consideration, no hesitation.

Yknow when you said you'd kiss me whenever you see me, I got a shock. I mean, shock in a nice way I guess. I mean, not being grossed out and all & you said it.

And in actual fact, I'd love it.

Yknow when you said that you did thought of getting together with me & that maybe I do deserve a chance but you have zero confidence with ":(" to end off the sentence, I felt so relieved. I thought this was a one-sided thing all along. Right from the beginning.

For that one moment, I felt so light.

Yknow I said, "Goodnight, I love you" not because I want something from you but I just wanted you to know. That is all. Simple. And sweet.

I wonder how am I supposed to express this, to make you feel like yknow, I really love you & this is clearly what I want right now. How am I going to prove this all to you that it is true, nothing but the truth & love?

I love you.

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

No one should stand without a hand to hold

Today was better, much happier as well :)

I finally got the hang of the whole torrent thing. Thanks Hui Jin & Cheryl for helping and teaching me how to do it! So today I got two PSP games, Loco Roco 2 & GTA Vice City Stories. I also got James Morrison's latest album, Songs For You Truths For Me. (I actually only wanted this particular song but I couldn't find it..I end up downloading the whole album :/) It took about two days to finish downloading. If only the desktop had more space, really. :/ I wanted to download Resident's Evil!! But no space ugh.

This morning we went over to Grandaunt's place. I've got an ang moh niece, Linda :D I didn't know, they just came back from Denmark just few days ago to be in SG for CNY. I've got pictures of her!! Just two, very cutee I love her!

After visiting, we went to the Mac's @ AMK for a quick bite & went back home. Relatives from mom's side came!

I wanna watch Grey's & play my new games heh heh I will study tomorrow I promise!!!!! For now, I will let the visuals do the talking :)
Day One
When I was busy preparing, Zel was busy snapping away
Outfit shots ^^
At Gran's place
Chester, Jenae, Che, Minhui
We do this yearly. The whole family portrait thing :)
Cousins & Gran
Us with Gran
I luv u gran, always and forever. I promise I will be here,
be your legs when they can't take you anywhere.
Cousins..wait,  where's Ches!?
With mom. One of my favouite photos.
With Aunt Edna & Che
Aunt Shirley
Another one of my favourites!
Over at Godma Irene's place
Merl. I luv her dress!
Mom & Merl
Godma & Mom
Amount of  red packets collected on day 1 :)

Day Two
More or less this would work as an outfit shot :/ Didn't have time to take any!
Slouchy tee (old one I know shut up ok), wetlook leggings, lace heels and Prada bag
Linda u qtpie <3
Jenae, always my fav <3
@ Mac's
Tonight's dinner
Lou hei :)
I luv lou hei, veh veh fun :D

Ugh we're having this convo again, I hate it so much. Grey's & my nice still-soft-curly-hair will make me feel better tonight..

Do you wanna know something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

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