#501 out of 1001 things I want in a lover: Someone who will do anything to see me, even if it's just for a minute

Current earworm: Lights - The Listening (Acoustic)

"Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel, and stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel. more often than not, sometimes we just have to go with 'whatever happens, happens'."

Wish I could..

Been crying for the past hour. Guess I don't deserve to be happy. My happiness is always so short-lived. Wished you lived a little longer in me, happiness, my dear.

Every day I think about you half as much as I did the day before. But I'll never stop thinking about you. Your name still roll off my tongue all the time, you're a topic that I'll always bring up in conversations. Do you know that?


I wanna feel better soon. I guess I kept so much inside of me, I cannot take it anymore. I don't wanna be this sad, I wanna be okay. Just okay. Never mind if I'm not happy, because this unhappy life I've been living, I'm getting so used to it. I guess I'll be strong enough to take it all.

God, please..

Sometimes the hardest things to say are the things that really matter

Finally got the time to update this space. Been busy with school, assignment & GP. Now that it is all over, I'm so relieved. Next would be revision for Econs paper. I can do it, I know I can. With a little faith, I know I can do it. If I can, bff, so can you :) This shall we the last time we study for Econs for the rest of our lives!

Suddenly feel like life is so meaningless. There is nothing more to look forward to, not at all. I'm so sick of trying my best & not feel appreciated at all. So sick of having to cry myself to sleep the past few nights. I have not felt happy in a long while. With all that is happening & has happened, I'm so sick and tired. Really wish this isn't my life. I wish I can swap this life with someone else. :(

I've been feeling really tired lately. Insufficient rest. Haven't been able to sleep well either. All these nights when we argue or talk about unhappy stuff, it really ruins my entire night. But who..who will ever understand how it feels like to be in this position? Been trying my best, my bestest..

Anyway, I still got quite a lot of overdue photos to be uploaded! High tea with the folks, outing with the girls, outing with the bff, outing with Gran, Mom, sissy & Che, badminton + dinner with the family, desserts with the family & the See family, B&J's + steamboat dinner + Mac's with the family & the See family! Omg so much.. I better get started on the watermarks so I can post them really soon. Watch this space! x

I'm watching Boys Over Flowers/Boys Before Flowers now. Totally ditched The Hills :x I'll continue watching Season 4 when I feel like. This show made me cry like mad & made me think a lot. It is a great show though, I really like it. There's tears, smiles & laughter. I like this kinda show :) Ever since I started watching, I've been craving for kimchi noodles, Korean bbq & stone pot rice! Off to watch the show now!

P/s: before I go, this is one thing that totally made my day today.

 

Kimchi cup noodles!!!!!!!! ^^

I would have left you with heart-shaped bruises to show how much I really cared

My headache is still not subsiding after taking a nap. I was thinking if it's the rain that caused the pain. I remembered bee telling me that whenever she get caught in the rain, she will get bad headaches.

I'm a hopeless case. I asked bff and bee to think of severe, life threatening consequences that I have to face if I do not go to school for a valid enough reason (ie., sick/fever & etc). Bee said she will call mom. Don't say it is impossible. She have her ways and I believe she will do it even if it gets me into trouble but it makes me learn. Bff said she will ask bee not to talk to me for a week :x I will go to school okay!!

I rushed home just in time for Ellen. Guess who was on the show!!

 

  

McSteamy!!!!

  

  

Aw cute :)

Eric Dane, plays as Dr. Mark Sloan in Grey's Anatomy!
Frikkin' hot doctor, seriously. Like what Ellen said, "he brings hotness to this seat" ;) Luckily I managed to rush home for Ellen hahah cannot miss this one out!

Ellen & Fall Out Boy sing "Womanizer" in the Bathroom

Anyway today I finally managed to get back my stuff from baby 'cos I left them with her over the weekend. My ezlink was with her unknowingly as well. Tsk tsk must be more mindful in future! Sorry baby, I promise I will go to school everyday from today. Even if I'm so sick that I'm gonna die, I will crawl to school no matter what :) luv u!

Spot the differences on Facebook, Grey's & off to bed. Bee is making me turn in early. Good sign :) Even if I hate doing so, I love you for that darling. <3

P/s: bff is coming over tomorrow!
P/p/s: sorry, i will reply to the comments ok i promise! meanwhile, no fighting no arguments prease keep peace!

When will you learn that we accept the love we think that we deserve?

Indeed speechless.

I don't know if I should even be talking about it at all but I know the more I try to avoid to talk about it to anyone - even myself - I will have to face it, talk about it, think about it someday. I just don't know how to. I wish I did. I just wanna prepare myself for it when it comes. And right now I'm avoiding it and also trying to prepare myself for the worst.

Why should I be doing so when I'm trying to avoid? Sometimes I feel like I make my own life difficult for myself. Like what I'm doing now. I need my life to get better. Much better. Not just fancy things, but real geniune things like myself, family, friends, finance and  my girlfriend. Not things I want anymore. Things that I live my life with every single day. It's okay if I don't get to carry branded bags or wear branded apparels in exchange for a better life. I just want my life to get better.

I don't wanna be this pathetic anymore.


Anyway, I didn't blog yesterday because I was too tired & I was home only at 1am. I was really knocked out after supper. I love being knocked out. I don't have to worry if I get to sleep or not hahaha!


So,
Woke up at 1pm and rushed to prepare to meet love
Plaza Sing for dinner at Pizza Hut
Movie timing suck, didn't suit our plan so no movies
Took a bus to Far East
Saw C but she didn't see me (Y)
Got some diy stuff and shopped around
Really wanna get something for myself but nothing caught my eye :(
Bumped into Varron :) who didn't said hi (PEACH LEH YOU!)
Argued over something so fucking dumb, and I was damn mad at her for not being understanding but after a while we were fine, holding hands already.
Paragon next. Gucci was busy. Wanted to get the tote bag and wallet but I was spoilt with choices, seriously. Ben Sherman got nice polo tees that bee should have! I'm encouraging her to buy when we really need to save up for my school fees (fuck u sch). I love Muji! Though their things are really overpriced but I still love Muji.
Went over to Taka. It was already dark and bee was asking me if we should find a place to sit down, have a drink. Couldn't decide where so we just walked around while thinking of a place. Bought donuts at Donut House for mom. Bumped into Jinman. Went to check the price of the films & Polaroid. Holga or Polaroid?
Settled down at Coffee Club in Kino. Ordered drinks and sherpard's pie which tasted bad. I still prefer country pie! :( I was still thinking of Lychee Jazz at TCC so I ordered Minty Lychee Tea Freeze which is bad as well. It tasted like a lot of milk with lychee!! :/ Bee got Green Apple & Mojito Mint. Not bad, quite nice. Tasted a bit like Lychee Jazz. We should've went for TCC instead, dammit
After that Zel texted to ask if I wanna go supper with them after their concert and I agreed. Which made us both really pissed off 'cos if her text came earlier we'd have went for TCC at Citylink!!!! Bitch. Whatever, it's over anyway.
Went to Esplanade! Long since I been there. To my amaze, hahaha it was our first time there together after being together for so long!! Zel & Che came after a while. Bee took bus home while we walked to the train station. Took the last train home & bought cup noodles at 7-11 :)

 

  

  

Dinner @ Pizza Hut

 

  

  

At Coffee Club

 

  

  

  

  

  

At Esplanade 

Sunday:
Woke up at 2pm! I was wondering why I've been sleeping for so long and no one said anything, no one made any noise. Oh only to wake up to realise that it was because dad told my maid not to wake us up too early as we slept very late the night before. Good job dad, thumbs up for you!

Cabbed to aunt's place and got Che's homework. We walked over to Mac's at Hougang Ave 8. We were so damn unlucky!
1. No seats
2. Finally got seats but no switch/cannot connect to wireless
3. Wanted ice-cream but machine broke down
4. Walked the entire area for ice-cream only to found none
5. Wanted to meet the folks for dinner but no parking lots

GOOD JOB GOOD JOB HOW UNLUCKY!

Dad came to pick us while Che & her mom went to take a bus back home. We had dinner at Buangkok, sent Gran home & home sweet home for us :)

Sorry, 'm having a bad night. Till then!

/Edit
I end up seeking comfort in her instead. I knew this was coming. I knew I had to talk to someone and that someone is her but I just didn't want her to worry and lose sleep because of me. Also, I didn't want her to be oversuspicious about what happened in the past. I should/will stop all that 'what about me?' conversations.

Thanks baby for staying up until 3am to comfort me and hear my whines, I love you :)