don't wanna fight no more

< rant >

I can't fight anymore. Limit is here, at the brim and I cannot go on anymore. No more one last try, let's try again - No. What point there is when I give in my all for this love and you barely gave..nothing? Not even two fucks. You care more about whether I did insult your best friend, or if there is anything else that you can protect, shield or side your best friend for. One more try for you to continue admiring your best friend in front of your failed girlfriend & smile & giggle whenever she is spoken of in our conversations or one more try for you to redeem yourself & make this good again?

So, what now? Best friend triumphs over your bloody girlfriend of coming 2 fucking years in exactly 16 days' time? What a right time all these came, my dear. Just when I thought I was in pure bliss, nothing I can ask for other than more time to spend with you and better days ahead. When you asked, I still thought it was ok 'cos things were going well, just exactly how I want it to be. I wished things would stay as they were but remember, they say good things don't last but bad ones last longer just so you would treasure the better ones when it comes. Good things, they don't last. Here comes the Huge problem with a capital H in bold.

Bravo. Well done. Good job! Fantastic. Excellent. So fabulous. What else can I say?

I will stop all that loving. Maybe one day when you love someone so much, you are willing to do everything for them, there is nothing that you wouldn't do for them and that someone turns their back on you, treats you less than how you oughta be treated then you'll know how hurt and painful this is. I'm not crying, not tearing either. I have made my mind that you will go one level down and more to go. And "until you love someone else?", I just pretended like I don't know what you are talking about but I totally got you. That is what you think. Just tell me how much you treasure this, or even me.

Oh wait, were you looking for a flight of stairs? Sorry, I didn't find a place big enough to build that stairs so you can get off the stage. You and everything you said to hurt, to prick & to irritate me will always be remembered.

I should be off to bed to dream of how to get more money for the supp paper for the upcoming/forth/last paper. Sigh, you win already lor, you can giggle and smile all you want.


Should I just put it simply that you were never in Team G? Fancy siding someone on the outside and not someone who is in the circle. (Y) Well done!

So surround me, I need anything & you're everything

_|_
I hope you fail in whatever you do. Studies, business and relationship. You'll get your damn karma okay. Just watch out. To think what a fool I am to pay and do everything then you just call off everything and lead your oh so fucking happy life. Reason being you are happier this way. Bitch, no?

x

Okay i was very very mad just now and being very mean. Some people, they are so selfish, they only think for themselves. I really hate it. Why can't you spare a thought for others. This is so fucked up.

I love TVRP :) but I dislike the lecturer. He's like Padhman man! Bad handwriting. It's just scribblings okay, how to read!! Seriously lecturers and teachers should go for some classes to improve their handwriting. Made muffins last night. Because I need something to distract me and also because I am really happy :) I bake when I am happy. I brought some to school for the girls to try but only Jemi and Marc came to school. Jemi said it was nice, heh heh and I gave the rest to bee. She just finished and told me it's damn nice. I am happier that it is nice. I will bring more to let bff try tomorrow!

After school, bee came to pick me :) we went to PS and had lunch at BK. We were eating damn fast because bee was running late. Yesterday with bff, I was hinting bee that I want the jacket badly. But I didn't meant to hint her, i was just kidding. I know she doesn't have the money and if she buy it for me, i will feel damn bad about it. Guess what? Today she gave me money to buy the jacket. Guilty x 32746329349834908230903 x infinity !!! I felt so bad. I kept pushing the money back to her but she insisted that I take it so I did. I took $20. Now I gotta psycho mom to fork out $25 for me and yay that fucking pretty jacket hahahaha damn happy!! Bee, I will buy you dinner (at Fish & Co?? :D) when you're done with this job kay :)
Walked bee to her workplace after lunch and I went straight home to rest and watch Grey's on a lazy rainy Wednesday afternoon. Today felt like Thursday. Why? I am not looking forward to the weekends. In fact, I dread it. I really do. The first time in a while I'd not be going anywhere this weekend. Just staying home with my part-time girlfriend, Grey's Anatomy.

I wanted to change the colour of my denim shorts but I brought the receipt out without the shorts -.- how dumb can i fucking get seriously! I was still reminding myself to put the shorts into my bag and I forgot. Omg genius.

Anyway I will be having Mac's breakfast tomorrow morning with bff!! :D Gonna ta bao to class hahah we're gonna take 153 yay! Am gonna call bee now before she goes to bed OK BAIIII <3

In years when we get older, will you be someone colder?

Fuck what I said, it don't mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I don't want you back

Remember this song?
IT'S FOR YOU BITCH _|_


"Did you notice something about..weknowwho?"
"Yeh, look different is it?"
"Yehyehyeh like something.. weird? The hair and dressing??"
"Yeh, I know. Fugly right?"
*laughs*

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye

Fuck my head is hurting so bad I don't know why. I took out the headband already but it is still hurting!! Just not so bad anymore but it sucks that it is so painful, I cannot stand it. I wanna study for TDMC's paper on Tuesday so I can rest while I memorize the whole of tomorrow but this migraine came at the fucking wrong time ugh!!!!!

Because I'm quite annoyed now, I will tell you a few things:
1. I hate people who do not bother to reply to texts.
2. I hate people who do not reply in MSN and goes idle for 15 minutes, come back reply and go back to idle for another 15 and the cycle continues. And when asked if they are busy, they replied they are not. Oh whoa.
3. I hate people who look for me only when they need me. Whoa, do I look like a doormat to you now!?
4. I hate people who IMs me and tell me their whole life story and I am not supposed to voice out my opinions or tell you about mine. So the whole entire convo is about you & you alone.
5. I hate people who cuts in and talk about something else when I am in the midst of talking about something. Something + something else = NOT THE SAME TOPIC
6. I hate people who tries to boast in an indirect kind of way OMG WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!?!!!


Ok I need to calm down it's making my head worse.

Caught The Wedding Game today with the family.

 

  

  

 

I've always liked Fann Wong, since I was a little girl. I remember telling mom once that I wanna be like her. Pretty, tall and an actress. I don't know why but right now I definitely do not wanna be like her. Right then when I told mom, I didn't know what disadvantages are there being an actress/public figure, how crazy is it to deal with the people you work with and the crazy papparazi.

The show was pretty okay. We entered the threatre half an hour late 'cos I booked the tickets at Cineleisure instead of AMK Hub :/ Ugh my bad! I will be watching it again anyway heh heh I already told J I would watch it with her.

After the movie, we walked to Cathay and had dinner at 99c sushi. I didn't eat much 'cos just before we head out for movie, I cooked instant noodles. I swear I am so going to suffer from hair loss hahah. This is the second or third time in the week I am having instant noodles. All because I am lazy to go down to buy food and wanna save money :D

THE MIGRAINE IS KILLING ME OMG :(
And I am hungry now hahahaha hm should I eat somthing..

Oh thanks, the GTA game is pissing me off!! I've been stucked at the mission boomshine blowout for 3 days and it's my 10th (or maybe 11th? maybe 12th?) time playing it and I still cannot cannot CANNOT accomplish the damn mission!!!!

I shall go to the kitchen, find something light to eat and go to bed. I need to study for Tuesday's paper and also go down to the doctor's. Asthma attack three nights in a row is no joking matter. If I die, will you miss me? HAHAHAHAHA I know you won't so shut up okay fucker goodnight!

Forget the things we swore we meant

(Ignore the whole part if you're not interested to know about someone's ugly deeds)
The truth. It has finally seen light.

Today was supposed to be a very happy day for me. But it all turned out really bad. Can't believe I still cried so hard. Tiong Bahru is the place that the four of us were seen crying at, ha ha ha not fun okay.

I hate to be hidden in the dark. It's horrible being me now. But girls, I'm thankful, for telling me everything that I have to know. And I'm sorry, for throwing my temper and flaring up in the midst of nowhere..I guess you should know by now I really hate lies, liars and their whole not being able to tell the effing truth issue. Anyway I love y'all <3 The whole 'don't tell Glynis' shit has to stop. I'm hearing too much lies. I had enough. I am quite exseparated, I need to breathe.

I was made the biggest fucking fool. Thank you. Thanks a lot. Now I'm wondering what is it that you said was the truth, which part is not. The part about the chase, about being a monk (no one would joke at that point of time ok it was fucking serious), about being appreciative was a fucking lie. The part about dating someone else was the only truth, huh? Prove me wrong.

Do you actually expect me to wait for you, while you around looking for something else to divert your attention to before you come and think that 'hey yeh I think now it's the time'? Have I not been here for long enough? Am I not always here? I have always been here. I heard so much about 'yknow he's trying, give him some time, it'll be all good' & yada yada yada...time after time I was told I should let you be, leave you as the way you are & one day when your wires just happen to connect back to normal, you'll come and be yourself again.

And you do not fucking push the blame to me. You do not fucking do that. If you want me to say everything, every single thing, the whole entire fucking story, I will. In details. This is where my amazing cannot-forget memory comes in handy. Honesty is the best fucking policy, haven't you heard?

Karma will hit you right back. Stab you in your anal and you get it big time. It'll hurt you twice as fucking much as it is hurting me now. You just wait. You'll get yours okay.


Remember I told you about this someone whom I used to date, how badly she used to use and aduse me, how bad it all was & how things ended between us? From what I know, she is still single. It's been almost three years since she last got into a proper relationship. Even she agreed that it was karma, and it was because of what she did to me.


/Edit
I'm very calm now. I said all that out of anger. And people say you say things you meant deep down in your heart when you're angry. I don't know. I kinda wish what I learned today was a damn joke, or it was a long dream that I had. But no smoke, no disappearing, no opening my eyes and see the sun shining....never mind I will continue blogging

x x x

Long John @ Tiong for quick lunch, short cry, ranting session
Gemstones headband from Charmeleon
Free flow of vulgurities
22, Boon Keng - Interview for Shim, mom & dad came to pick me
Bainian @ Aunt Doris's place
Dying for my own room
Couldn't stop pestering mama about it

Cannot stop annoying bff ^^
I love you bff, ai si ni 184 1314

I got an anonymous letter in the mailbox today. I was freaked out. No names, no initials, no note, no letter, no nothing. It contained two movie vouchers. I really wonder who was the one who sent this. I cannot recognise the handwriting either! I do not remember anyone I know of with such handwriting...

 

  

Weird much?

It'd be nice if you let me who are you. :)
I really wanna know who & I've got my ways to. Heh heh heh I went to call GV but to no avail as they were closed for the day. I will call them again on Monday. Die die must find out! I was telling A I think it's the #1 bitch but she don't have my address, neither does anyone around her.. but then again, why would she be so nice since she's made #1 bitch in all of our minds?

Today, didn't get to see you, smell you & feel your presence. (Angry :@ + Upset :/ + Disappointed :(( + Bo bian :|) x 236938472289473 !!!! Miss you miss you miss you miss youuuuuuuu sigh


Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel for coffee + supper for now, be back later! I will blog again later la I guess I bet this coffee + supper will be more like gossip + suffer.

P/s: I think my attempt to do up Audrey Hepburn's hair = failed :(

Secret admirer: Okay, do you know my friends then? Or do any one of my friends know you? Really curious to know who you are! Email me if you are not comfortable revealing your identity here alright :) Oh ok, happy reading then! <3

Remind me why we decided this was for the best

For the best. Define, my friend.

For the best: for the good as the final result; to an ultimate advantage
- Dictionary.com

So this was best to you? Being a great liar, doing the whole keep-it-low thing?

Whoa whoa whoa shocked that I found out? Isn't this what you wanted? You knew this was coming. Right from the start when you wanted this, you had to see this coming. I knew you never liked this but I had to.

When Z told me that she saw you both together, shoulders to shoulders at 11pm that night, my mind went blank. I trusted you, you never knew how much trust I put in you. When she told me the sight of her caused you both to stand one arm's length away from each other, thoughts in my head? "I was right, my guess was right, everyone's guess was right. You proved them right instead."

Filling up all the loopholes now, your actions, your ways & what you told me, they all contradict each other. You pretended like you cared. Genuinely. Which really sucked ok 'cos I trust you so naturally I would think that yeh you are, yknow so I shouldn't be mean and care for you too. Hah hah hah Glynis you're such a joke, fucking joke of the year.

And I hate liars. Especially those who lied to me. I hope they'd burn in hell.

And you. I thought you were different because you were honest with me all the time. Hah, to think I was dumb enough to trust you so fucking much. You are no different from the rest. _|_


Your Supergirl. HAHAHA JOKE MOTHERFUCKERS! I even told A, your place in my heart will never ever be replaced no matter how far we've drifted apart, no matter how much distance there is between us. And love for you will always always stay. Be it us being friends, good friends, close friends or even just hi-bye friends. My love for you will always stay. And now? I don't know. I can't say I feel the same anymore. I can't even think of you. The thought of you and what you said to me and all your actions makes my head hurt so bad.

Do not. I mean, DO NOT try to talk to me. I am not going to listen, neither am I gonna "relax lah" or "chill lah" okay. I am not in the mood for your nonsense & childish games right now.

I'm fucking proud of myself that I am not tearing, not wailing, not crying over this. I am actually okay, seeing her in that fucked up photo and having the loopholes filled up.

P/s: Z beb I'm glad you told me the truth. Thanks for listening to me, luv u <3
P/p/s: The mood for the Topshop's event didn't die, so glad I am still going to enjoy myself. Hmph!
P/p/p/s: I might delete this post after all, when I feel better. I don't know. I might keep it here to remind someone :)

Gotta be strong but I'm really hurting now that you're gone

If you could be in my life like you've been on my mind, it'd be so easy.

I don't know when you'll get to see this or whether you will or not, I am still gonna let this bubble of angst out of me. You wanna know why was I so fucking pissed off today? Let me tell you why. Things she did, things she said, things she asked for, things she casually mentioned, things she bought for you, things about her, things you both did together - what do you forget? Things we did, things we went through, things we had, things we said, things we promised, things we agreed on, places we went, things I bought for you, things you bought for me, things about me, things about the two of us - what do you remember?

I am sensitive to lies. I am allergic to liars.
If you are in love with her already, you fucking tell me so I distance myself away from you. Don't make me like a fool, doing all these for you out of love, out of because-it's-you-I-am-doing-for. I took everything, I took it down. Your cold treatment, you talking endlessly about "my friend" which is obviously her, you being all ignorant about my feelings, you pretending like the past never took place. What the hell is this. Have I not had enough, have I not taken enough shit from you. Or is it because you suffered more pain than I ever did because remember you said I deserve to get hurt right now, that the pain I am feeling is "bullshit", is nothing compared to how much pain you felt back then? I couldn't thank you enough for piercing these words right through my throbbing wounded heart. I'm sorry that I remember exactly what you said, I can't seem to forget them. It's just the same like how you can't put away that fucking incident. It is not like I can forget that either. Us crying in the fucking room and when asked if we're both ok, we said yeh yeh we are & all drama. You think I can forget? You fucking think so? No way.. If you can't, what makes you think that I can? I hurt you, I was also hurting myself.

Sometimes I wish I had the same amount of courage to tell you everything that I wanted to say like how I did to * but I just can't. Even if I was talking to * at one convo, and you on the other, I just can't. I don't have that courage as I have to *. You wanna know why? Because I really like what we have now though I go through all these pain all the time with you. I don't want what we have right now to go into nothing at all. Maybe you'd like to, that's why your cold treatment. I don't know. If you think this is the way to, go ahead and tell me. Come right up to me, in this fucking face & say it. Seek closure already. Stop dragging it on 'cos I'm fucking suffocating here while I'm treating you like the damn king.

And everything I do, I do it for you. I cannot stop repeating this to myself, because it keeps me going whenever you do or say something that makes me wanna give up. I'm giving up my fucking savings account, just for your fucking party. Just so you don't dwell on the thought that you're turning big two. I guess it is not good enough for you. Just yet?

P/s: Thank you for the present. I know you chose, you paid half for it. I know you did & I'm fucking overjoyed about it. I was happy when I got it, thinking it was from x but only to know that you chose it & I love it and you paid half for it, it just made me happier. Nothing special but y'know what made it special? Because it is from you, you chose it & other than your devoted undivided love & attention, it is your first gift to me. Thank you, I love you xx